To The BAT Cave!

2003-10-14T21:58:00.000-05:00

okay. sorry to anyone who fro some reason is lookign at my dead blog. but m e-mail is su[erslow so i;m posting this school stuff for a project. sorry i couldnt get anymore of an angle on this guy. i'll be hard to interrogate or whatever the term is.

Webster-Hayne debates:

Hayne sought the support of the West in defeating the protective tariff which had long benefitted New England merchants and was despised by Southern farmers. Webster, returning from the Supreme Court heard Hayne's speech and resolved both to uphold his native New England and to defend the nationalist view of American union.

The Senate had forgotten entirely Haynew and Calhoun’s support for the sale of public lands. The issue now was one of North verse South in a contest of regional pride, and an opportunity to watch two of America's foremost orators make mincemeat.

It is, Sir, the people's Constitution, the people's government, made for the people, made by the people, and answerable to the people," Webster argued in a passage which foreshadowed Abraham Lincoln's words more than twenty years later. The speech was to have a profound historical impact in the rejection of nullification and states rights and the acceptance of national union.

“Liberty and Union, now and forever, one and inseperable”

Debate persuaded many. Webster winner.

Webster on Tariff:

Webster major nationalist; allied with Henry Clay to support fed aid for roads. Supported Tariff of 1828 even tho he formally oppesed the lower tariffs of 1816 and 1824. Massachusetts had shifted from a shipping economy to a fanufactoring one.

Joined with Jackson in 1833 to suppress S.C’s attempts to nullify tariff. Webster and other Jackson opponents (whig party) battled him on other issues, the Jackson’s attack on the national bank.

Other rot:

Won constitutional cases befor the supreme court. Darthmouth college v. Woodward, Gibbons v. Ogden, Mcculloch v. Maryland. Extablished himself as leading orator and lawyer.

Switched to from dead Fed party to Republican. Then moved to Whig were he was one of 4 Whig candidates for the 1836 elections. Tried to become presedent for rest of career. (bitter? )

2003-10-04T16:16:00.000-05:00

this morning the PSAT workshop started 30 minutes later, adn mom had to be at work befor 9, so she dropped me off at Hig Point Coffee. i got a big steaming cup of tea. it was nice sitting outside in teh fall air with some warm tea. i was reading thos English handouts on the research project beacsue i was going to teh library later. i also had my sat workbook on the table. this old couple was leaving and the woman said "Good luck wiht the SAT!" whoodathunk. people are still nice. adn those Hig Point people were much friendlier than teh starbucks breed. even tho the one's last night were okay. they were actualyl ahving fun with each other, and didnt mind me asking what they were talkign about. a man had fallen asleep in his car in the drive thru. it was really funny. alanna's mom woke him up.

i actualyl i did really well on the verbal part of the sat thign today. this is exciting because the past few saturdays and esp the math part have been mondo discouraging. i got a Philidelphia University of the Arts thingy outside of wexlers door.

i went to the library. and i swur. it takes me forever to do anythign in a library. i wish the duwey decimal system made sense. what an idiot. but what can you expect from a guy whose name sounds liek a cartoon spitting. or a euphamism for shit.
i ran into robin while i was waiting for dad. and then weni and racheal walked in. "hey! had any luck?"
"just three books"
"what topic"
" The Lost Generation"
"Us too!"
so now my essey ahs to be as good as wenli's and racheal edilman's. oh well. i shouldnt let that bother me. poof. out of the worry bank.

i started reading The Sun Alsop Rises for english. i read it in 9th grade and HATED it. but i'm only three chapters in and like it better this time around.
alanna's friend katie is coming in town tonight. i wonmder what wil happen tonight. i;m sick. i shoudl probably stay home. it'd be jnice to watch a sundance or IFC film. i havnt gotten to do that yet.

2003-10-03T22:11:00.000-05:00

okay. tonights post.

after school i met up with alanna. she had been really worried abotu ehr History presentation but it wne t realyl well. Ervin gave her a hug. margretss whent fient oo. alanna and i follwed Robin to Munters room. she wanted to ask about Junior Stetes men club or soething. she doesnt want to have to speach in it. it was the first time i had ever heard his voice. i dont now what i expected to come out of his mouth. whitenoise i guess. he had this cool half-wall sized photograph-print thing of powerlines fading off into the ditance. and other cool math thigns liek fractals. and finger paints. he reminded me of mrs waitzman. i guess i understand teh mutner cult better now.

so we all went to lauren henry;s house. us being me alanna, lauren, allison alice, and lauren. elizabeth was goign to come, but apparently she descided otherwise. from what i underdstood she was goign to meet us at alanna's (who forgot the camera! we were ging to film some of allisons show.) but didnt follow. first we went to El Mezcal South Memphis. that was alot of fun and having the camera was nice. i got alot of great footage of lauren and alic doing lauren adn alice chemistry./ and everyoien else's explosions too. hten we got to laurens. messed aroujnd. watched the dance recital tape were a fat girl lands on a little girls head. awful. but you wouldnt beleive how hysterical it is. my morals are goign to shit. then we watched. what did we watch. oh, the film of Katie Robin's 8th grade birthday party. oh it was funny. all teh boys hadnt changed yet. its wierd to think that it was just one yearbefor i meet all thing. they seemed liek 10. but the girls were the same. esp alice and auren. laura bercard and elizabeth whats her face were all ove t hte boys and of course the boys loved it. it was very wanna-be porm. katie sat in t the corner making a a puzzle. then we went outside. then we shot allison and alanna singing dictator of the world, with alice and lauren go go dancing on some big logs in teh back ground. theywere very good. syncronized kicks and everything.

RISD represetative came to art class today with a slide show! oh art colelge talk gets me very excited i;m going to get a thigny in the mail. art collger.

after we filmed that we went into laurens back yard. swung. took some angst shots. reinacted Whitney Sharps fall. did some group dance-sing things.um... there was other stuff. but it was mostly goofing around. then we came inside and danced.

i just watche the beginnign of an awful movie now. moms at the door to get me.

2003-10-03T22:06:00.000-05:00

journal entry from thursday night

I saw margret at klinkos today-night. She was getting transperancies for herhistory project too. I love seeing school people out of school doing anywthing. but when i see then douig ng school work its different. Makes me feel liek we are all in this together, comrades raiding enemy territory, flamingo treading deep costal regions. Its one of the first things i learned abotu whitestation. i will never forget registration day when brace-faced newspaper-editor francophile Carolien Sweeney gave me the run down of the school. its all true, if you look at it that way. She was teh competitor-survivor-achaivement-Super Student type tho.

2003-10-03T21:49:00.000-05:00

Wenli gave me a Budha. we were aquianted thru my guardin Trio, but its nice to finally have a likeness of him. he's never liked taking pictures.

i finally saw trey kirk today (i journaled this post thursday). Yes, Mr. PosterContest extrodinaire was at theScribbler meting. Melissa once was talking about how they had a thing and now that she doesnt want him, he wants her. Dream on "Dead Face". but he was sorta cute in the grumy painter way.he has crazy black hair, a wide face, adn some face fuz. but O was he Mr Clever. Titles are fun. there was a touch of acryulic on the back of his paints. nice touch trey.

this years scribbler contest theme is "obcession"
i read a 1972 edition of the scribbler at the meeting today. it dissapointingly lacked angst. Mrs Wyatt used taht word. it was triumphant. someone had a 1959 edition. thast old school.

i took the squirrel Nuts Zipeprs song to Mrs Hayley wednesday. she suggested i figure the violin part out. She also BOUGHT me a book with some modern and classical stuff including Duke Ellington and Isreali dance thing and Vivaldi.Shes so damn encouraging. "Why dont you take a look thru this" I'll never do that. I;m so bad. My interests are far waay from music now. Sure, its nice, but it basically was something exciting freshamn year when i didnt have any other outlet. I cant get oitu of this gracefully. its not liek i hate it tho.

on the way to the jazz badn concert today. we saw Mrs Kitts by the door. she has stitches on her brow and around her eyes was al lpurple. poor thign had a book case fall on her or osmething. I didnt really catch the story. The concert was fun, esp because i sat by katherine, laylee, alanna, and alice. I never see Alice, so it was nice. She and Katherine , being music kids, had aot of funny stuff to say about cool quiet big bald black Snellroy.

Why do i always do this to myself?
I crave a greasy burgger then want to vomit. But all is well. I have Edy's double fudge brownie ice cream

"A littel puppy you are not" Thats wesley downstairs screaing in his Yoda syntax.

I'm glad i've figured out a way to still blog. Bllogging balances an otherwise depressing joural entry, because i remember "noone wants to read just ths angst" so i remember all the postitive and funny thigns that happened thru the day.

then life is good.

2003-09-28T17:36:00.000-05:00

Boo! i'm back. what a long hiatus, no? i guess i'll continue to blog from "the terwilelger family laptop" until there is somethign wrong with that. i donjt know how longit will be here, since dady brought it home for when he was home bound.

i went to yoga today. for the secoind time this school year. it waws really resfreshing. and i missed shanti, who is havign a baby, it appears. and i hadnt really seen jenny and elizabeth much since i stopped going, so it was nice to see them again. when we were walking to elizabeths car, who do we see on the cairo steps? beca and william. it made perfect sense! but o what suprise. it was nice to see b oth of them. i hadnt really talked to becca much since she was venemously wripped from C lunch. she picked up on our mellow post-ypga vibes, and i coudl have sat there all day int eh fall sun with her and will and elizabeth and jenny. but it was mostly just me and becca talking, so i didnt want to bore elizabeth and jenny, (william never knew my alst name was Terwilelger and jenyn for a logn tiem thoguht it was a hybrid ebtween Tutwiler and terwilleger.Tututwilluger or something.) so i suggested we get goign to teh gastation for some drink s like we planned. its a classic pre-fall day. crisp air, lazy sun, so we descided to go to audubun park with our beverages. we found three cds just on teh ground. elise was there with some guy from her play. they were studying ojn her blanket. it was actualyl a nice time and hopefully this sugnals moving on. we lsitened to the cds we foudn and they were hsiterical. only one worked, it was "such a stoner mix" (jenny). they were all three so beat up.

in teh words of this morning's getto radio evangalist:
"i dotn wanna hear any of this negativwe thinkin. 'i can't do this and i dont understand that' give me postive thoughts. giv eme High thoughts. i want peopel to not get sidtrackt from the fact that I can do all through Christ Jesus who strenghtens me!"
cornily, that actually uplifted me thiw morning.
i've bloged abotu it befor and i'm bloggin abotu it again. i really do let myself fall into negativity and subject myself ot negativity too much. and it doesnt haqvfe to ber that way. i always get clenseful like this on yoga days.

i cant wait to drive. seems like everyone is out and about meeting up with everyon and new people. i cant wait for that mobility abnd freedom. on liscense is really getting me down. good news is i;m gbetting into driving school in October. one thing i realy liked about today was getting to see the different people. and hear them talk about peoples whos names i dont hear that much. it bothers me that i havnt realyl gotten to knwo anyoen new this year. qall wil be resovled once i can drive.

2003-09-28T00:22:00.000-05:00

this is alanna, kids. i'm sorry i have to be here, because i have an incredibly depressing announcement to make. brock's computer has been removed. another BRA (blog readers anonymous) casualty.... i'm crying, serious. internally.
so i guess brock will continue to blog sporadically, if he feels like trekking to the library. or my house. or downstairs to the terwilleger family laptop.
and seriously, there are lots of great blogs out there. though brock's was one of my personal favorites (and i'm sure one of yours) there are plenty more that i am more than willing to recommend.
please extend your condolences to the bat cave. the tears are pouring in. we need a flood down here.

2003-09-27T15:30:00.000-05:00

WE AHVE A MILLION WONDERFUL MOVIE CHANNELS.we just got that digital thing, and we ahve over 900 channels including NOGGIN ( daria, pete(s), its bee too long!), IFC (independent film channel) Sundance, Ovation, Style (margrete, fashion week here we come)the BBC, a ton of spanish cahnnels for darleene (guess whos goign to learn spanish now!) and a million other wonderful options. this could be a sad revopening of the couch potato chapter of my youth. about fucking time.

katherine said the kite footage yesterday was beautiful.

darlene stopepd by to watch the spanish channels. consequently, i havnt gotten any work done today.

I sent Mrs Kitts the last trio of poems, the two Super Storm of Death 2003 ones and the Post-Femmes Glow one. And she e-maile dme back with AMAZING compliments. I love that aging hippy. She even asked if I would guestspeak to her classes. What an honor. I don’t really think I’lld o it tho. I cant imagine what I could do or say. And plus its not like I have years of ecperience and knowledge behind me to sprinkle on the little tots. (hahaha. Actually I don’t look down on the freshmen. I just love the owrd tot. libibidy tots!(freedom fries)) I’d feel like an imnposter.

oh life is nice.

i want somethign to happen tonight. today. whenever. i want to go to yoga. i think i'll accompany the stewarts-jacob to see Lost in Translation. JAPANESE!

why dont i knwo every langauge ever.

2003-09-26T15:46:00.000-05:00

I stayed after school to make up a jennigs quiz I missed while I was at the wash u meeting. Afterwards she actually asked me abtou the meeting. Then got me talking about college. Knowing that she could actually care and seeing the sweet odl lady side humanized her a little more. Now she’s just big bird.

The wash u meeting..i hate to say it, was fun. I love planning out my future and day dreaming about al the possibilities. I know some people (alanna) turn inside out tat the mention of college or grades, but despite the pressure and stuff, tis actually kind of. Invigorating. Thast not the word. Exciting? I don’t know. I actually enjoy being a students. Its secure and stable. Plus I like to learn. I guess I think of the education system as the arena I have to excel in at the moment. So might as well tight-rope. Tehere is a Students Against Gravity Club at WASH U! wouldn’t it be nice to finally be with fellow anti-gravity activists?

(the club is for juglgign and tight rope walking)

Ervin gave me a 53/50 on ym essey and a 15 ranking. And made me read the WHOEL thing to the class. It was a pretty dry monotone delivery. I;m ery honored. But fuck, can you say pressure?

Today in art I planned to get Berlin to help me organize my portfolio for the AP art calss admissions. (I saw my summer art teacher at school today. She was getting her son out of trouble for having a cell phone.) btu we also had a quiz. I figured it woud take a logn time, and that he wouldn’t give it out until forever. He said it would eb at the end of class. So I asked him if he would help me. He said yes. I asked to go ahead and take the quiz. I did. Margret asked me “why are you special and get to take the test early” in a really cutesy funny way, but I couldn’t help but wonder if their was some resentment there. I guess I come off as an arrogant, pretentious ass whoel who thinks he’s exhempt from al the art class ruels and assignment.s I;ve already done special things for my independendt study and one if not two in calss a ssignemtns. I think a few peoepl in my class don’t like me, just a smidge-bit,. Especially this lacross player that sits bac in the corner. I don’t know his name. He asked me why I didn’t go to AP art. I admit that I was flattered, but I didn’t really respond, which probably wasn’t the best thing to do. Even the toehr day Robin said “I feel like you are excused from all the assignemtns.” She said it in a fun way too, kinda preceded by a joke, or as a joke, or something. Apparently, a while back she one day after school (when I wasn’t there) was all “BROCK, you are in art TWO. Get in your place” or something. Which I could see robin doing, in her hyperanimated semi-pseudo-pissed off funny way. I just wish I didn’t radiate hatable vibes. And I shodul be more humble. I have to admit, when I heard about the robin thing, I was a little mad. Nto at her. Btu at myself and others epoepl’s reactions. Remember the mission punk song?

I’ll be kite flying in a while if I can convince Wesley to go with me, and bum a ride form elizzabeth. I’m such a bum. And I hit up Elizabeth way too much.

2003-09-25T22:24:00.000-05:00

if i got a cat, i woudl definately name it Barbra Walters or sometihng. or maybe mud.

anyoenahve a suggestiong for a grand dad's name. somethign liek "gran paw paw" but worse?

i woke up alst nigth with a massive leg cramp. i;m getting old.

2003-09-25T18:04:00.000-05:00

Billy bottom’s band is playing tomarow night. Thast priceless. We really need to make the carboard motorized roller blading head-bobbing billy. I cant wait to drive. Just so I can make the road rage hand movements. the cool “its your turn” and the preoccupied “thanks”. Congratulations to the new couple. I’m an ass hole. I deserted margret at the lecture. One of the sopeakers was really funny and ahd a great voice. But, reminded me of woody allen at times. And everyone KNOWS what a lovable person woody allen is. Especially his poor little niece. Or whatever the girl is. The other man had a giblet that rivaled mrs Jenning’s. her’s isn’t hat bad. Doesn’t realy have one. But its just nice to picture her as a chicken in class. Makes converting fractions fun. The chemistry replacement is crazy. He expects us to learn. He’s from MUS, so I pardon his dilussionment. But he better catch on fast, faster than you can say “She’s forcing her spirit upon me!” which mrs Ervin is doing to alanan at the moment. Notices her cleared up cold? Heard alanna’s great great smoker-cartoon voice? O it’s the best. Ervin said she was impressed with my essey. That just made life worth living. I hope my comments are up once I post this. I had to write a French essey today about an event that I didn’t tell my parents about. I wrote about how I was recklosly driving around suburbia at night with peoepl and loud music, hit a dog and nearly got in a wreck. I almost wrote that I vomited from the nervousless. Then I realized what I was thinking. I don’t know. Maing up stories is fun. I left my bag and stuff in margo’s car à la the Kevin situation. Laylee said “you sdo this a lot. Mom drove me to margrets. I didn’t introduce myself to her nmom. I’m socially retarted.i;m fucking geroge from LE Huitième jour. I recognized a lot of people from middle school at the lecture today. Like farhene and this one girl who lent me an Indian awar show tape. That must have been the spawn of my love for all things Indian. Oh thter was this one song that stuck in my head for years. I cant remember it now. I saw laura with her short hair. She didn’t recognize me at first. I saw Leigh too. I hadn’t seen her in forever. She wasn’t from middles school thio. It was nice. I want my bolyl wood cd back. I lveo bolyl wood. I cant wait to run away to bonbay and become an Indian movie star. Int eh acar ---we were in dads car---and mom and I were listening to my Jenny Hendrix cd that dad stole limke we always do when we are in his car. And mom starts doing al this air guitarin, and mom is not one to air guitar, unless she’s trying to show me how to be malke. Whigch she hasn’t fone for a long time thank god. But anywho, she says “I WANT TO PLAY ELECRTIC GUIAR” which is the most hysterical thing in the worl. She needs an outlet tho. It would be too classic. My mom, in the garage, keeping us up at night. My mom is so punk rock.

2003-09-24T21:52:00.000-05:00

i hate a certain blow-dried questioanbly coat hangared cowboy.

2003-09-24T21:28:00.000-05:00

teh most COSMIC and Ironic thing has jsut happened. obsessiosn are the best. gumym candies are the assorted seasoning of life. and teh world is in a gurdle.

give me cheese any day

2003-09-24T21:06:00.000-05:00

eeeee.
talking to alanna
talking to alanna
hey ey hey hey

so ahs a thermometre in her mouth. she acnt talk. but she can't do it any who.

torlets always make me depresed.

so do tour lists.

"Hannible was very courageous," tyson said. "He rode elephants through Cartilage." In a week's time, Tyson himself wopuld be going though cartilage too.
i laughed abotu this Forever in english today. FOOREVVER. i even exploded to Wexler when she walked around. noone in my group got it. i didnt even realize it until wexlewr walked around.

someone called me depressing.

te pit bul on the MUG cream soda can loks very chummy. i bet he;'d offer you a beer.

i cant wait to farm

mra underwood should have a video game. crack eye bals. away!

i started a new art project today. i liek how its coming. but the something Morris kid from Highland Heights Baptist church took teh LAST pice of yellow paper. what ever o what ever shall i do for colors.,

scare the roach. it'll work. beware of soap.

2003-09-23T20:43:00.000-05:00

today laylee gave me the belated half of my birthday present. a cd of french pop hits fresh from france. i showed it to Gilbert and she played it in class. i thought it was histerical and atleast fun. but i was a little embarassed taht some of the kids in my class thought i dug annoying poppiness. but i let taht go after a while and laughed and laughed. mayeb a little nervously. i dotn know why that embarasse dme so much.

i just burned a copy for gilbert. i actualyl really liek the cd. ther are some carribianish songs and one or two hoody-bouncin rap bridges. i'm goign to burn her stereo total and the rest of my limited french findings.

we are studyign fancy tenses in French. those are always disgouraging. the homework took forever tonight. it always does. i'm so slow. i probably spend the most time studying and love french the most tahn anyone in the class, and am still not doing great on teh fancy tenses. it seems pretty effortless for some.

i finished my huge as perspective drawing. i felt quite accomplished lasst night. for some reason the project didn't seem as genius this morning as it had last night. i;m kinda loosing my excitement over the whole thing. i hoep it turns out as cool as it is in my head. i hope. finding black paper is proving harder tahn i anticipated. even if it doesn't turn out impressive and cool looking, i wil have completed a big idea taht i descided to persue.

Ervin amde me read my DBQ infront of the class. it was only because a very vocab girl nominated mine as a 13-15 range, and i;m sure racheals and wenli's and chris' and tim's and jzingbo's were much better. but i still felt honored.

i realyl liek teh chemistry sub. looks like i might actualyl learn sometihgn. adn i wont hate having to work on it. it ahsnt been too demanding yet. he's a funny old white haired man.

i have a 92.4 in AP US. if only i had gone to the movie.

this post is all school. i cry for my life.

2003-09-21T22:18:00.000-05:00

two poems i've written lately:

The wheat crunches under her tennis
and tickles the backs of her knees.
String tugs at her fist as she runs
and runs through the waves of gold.
Her curls wrap around her nose
and into her smile each time
she glances back at the soaring
kite she made from that morning’s paper
and its tail she fashioned
from the roosters lost feathers.

kites and farm girls. doesnt get much wholesomer. i;m a loser for nto titling these. i hate "untitled"s. i promise i'll title these. another:

The mop haired boy stealthy
grinds the glowing cigarette into the night
as the Jewish lady hands the valet key
to Patrick. For the evening
and for the swanky partiers, the cluster
tucked their teen rebellion into their black slacks
with their pressed polo’s yellowed
by the street lamp. Sweat wets
Patrick’s forehead as he fights
his foot from speeding off into the dark.

i jsut realized both of these are 10 sentences. fuck. i'm mrs douglas. i'm contemplating deleting ym comments to get me to be more candid on this blog. reclaim it sort of. its workign for alanna. what am i talkign about. it isnt really a problem. i dont knwo what i'm talking about. its such a great night.

2003-09-21T21:28:00.000-05:00

tonight, i took over the study and ahd fun playing studio. i taped my large sheet of paper to teh floor and strung twin from one corner of the room to the other. put down strips of tape as vanishing points. used one realyl long string to tape to the needed vanishign point and would swing it everywhere. the whoel time i was listening to alanna mixes, which i love. i have to hunch over teh whole time and now my back and knees realyl hurt. that doesnt sound right. i spent abotu an hour and a half arting and only got the bell tower down. this wil be a very consuming project. mom informed me that kinkos cant copy my big ass sheet of paper. so i guess i'll jsut fold the paper and get copies of the folded sides? then i'll cut the pices out and tape together the templates for teh final collage pieces.

2003-09-20T23:08:00.000-05:00

i get into the car. "god my feet smell. acnt you smell my feet?" "yes, i can." now, i'ev asked this to many peoepl on many different occasions, becasue i KNWO my feet smell. but none has said anythign, and if other peoepl dont notice, why shoudl i give up the convenience of sandals? it just pisses me of fthat no one was honest. i have no friends.

I've seen 1 1/2 movies each night this weekend. alanna and i saw American Splendor which was very very good. and then i saw most of Dinner with Andre. its an older movie and its jsut this typical lost new york intellectual searching for meaning in ancient cultures, mock deaths, and bee hives. basically he goes off and enjoys life for moments but still isnt happy. good old voltaire woudl be proud. and spends way too much time philosophalizing to this other guy at the dinenr table with him. it was interesting watchign a movie that was anti-yuppie then a movie that rieked of intellectual. i actualyl liked hearing teh guy talk and stuff tho. the sotries were great. made me want to go out and be spontaneous, not watchign a movie about it.

as i said, i think, i spent a whoel chemsitry class talkign to mrs Kraiker. and i lveo her. i todl her abtou my voltair dream and she jsut ate it up, being the cosmodic gal she iss. she freaked out (which is a very big deal for laid back mrs kraiker) when i tod her about how i read the birth-spiral from back to front. she said thast how ancient cultures read books. right to left. said she wonderd if it had to deal with a past life. she said i was probably volatire. no, she didnt. but that woudl ahve been great if she had.

The jews are throwing a swanky soirée. there is valet parking in my cove.

i'm really disappoitned that i didnt work on ym art project at ALL. i never do when i bring stuff home. what a dedicated artist i am.

2003-09-20T12:28:00.000-05:00

i wish i could care about this PSAT or for any test for that matter. my apathy frightening. i'm tno very right-answer-oriented. i jsut dont care. it doesnt bother me to no get the right answer. i try to answer the questions as best a can. check and see what i missed and tahst all. whiel everone else is checking their probelms and seeing what they did wrong i;m doodling on the math section. (its a killer doodle by the way. well not killer. but its just an average good tiem.) i wiwsh i could care or worry jsut a little bit. then i'd actualyl get somethign done quickly or get sometihgn done right. i've worked so hard at eliminating worry from my emotions (not 100% sucessfully, mind you) and now i;m seeing its negative effet. worry can be a little constructive in small doses. i jsut wish i coudl care. and mom saying "well you better learn to care!" doesnt help at all. what wil it take

its so hard to see how al this wil effect your future. mayeb if i could i could get motivated. but i jsut cant picture myself saying "i realyl wish i had done better on the SAT so i coudl have gotten into a better college". i really think college is what yuo amke of it. doesnt amtter where you are. or "i really wish i had bothered to raelly pay attention in math class. then my life woudl be better." mom said "you can't look back with the hignsite that i can" but i wish i could

i remembered the distance formual today and i just couldnt beleive it. i impressed myself. i didnt even do the whole last test in the math part. the woman doesnt check and you volunteer to write answers on teh baord. its not schools o they cant amke you do the test. but, i was contemplating doign the same thign in the english thing, but i just kinda halfassed teh last test in taht class, and i'm VERY glad i did (even tho i lofet abotu 5 blank) because she actualyl took it up.

2003-09-19T23:57:00.000-05:00

i saw Matchstick Men with alanna dn Jenny and Elizabeth. it was a good movie. i wont talk abtou it incase anyoen sees it. i want to see lost in translation. from tehre alanan and i went to her house. i tried recording amazing grace be asue ive been obsesed with that song for the past few days. i vomited at teh soudn of my voice and deleted it. we talked to her mom for a logn time, which is always exiting adn histerical. then we...id otn know. we edned uop watching some chinese movie about this chef and his three daughetsre. it was slo so we retired to teh window. always a promise for great conversation. alanna's throught was also sore, so she ahd this great semi-smoker voice the whoe nigth and i LVOED it. o it was great. o was it ever great.

2003-09-19T15:49:00.000-05:00

after school we all went to chili's. there was also a large group of sophmores there that lauren knew, of course. we all had a loud grand time. oh i twas fun.
i waqnted to go hoem and work on my art project, so racheal took me hoem as everyone was dispersing. i planne dot call alanna in an hour or so.
racheal drops me off. and i ring the doorbell. its takign a long time for someone to come. once noone comes for a logn time i realise noone is home to let me in.
well. no what am i goign to do? lightbulb. i'll walk to laylees sure she wont be hoem but its worth a try.
i knock on her backdoor. her mom says she isnt home. i lie and say "i was just walkign hoem and thoht i'd stop by".
well. racheal edilam is one door down so i knock on her door. "hi i;m brock. is racheal home"
"sure"
"hey brock" hey racheal. my parents arent home and neither is laylee. can i use your phone"
i call and nooen picks up on any of the numbers. we swing adn later about an hour after i was droppe doff i call again and dad picks up.
he had been home since about 2:30 (15 minutes after i started walking) adn didnt pick uopt eh first time becasue he didnt recognize the number. lazy fuck

atleast i had an interesting day.

i got a 70 on my english presentation. wexler didnt liek bob. and i didnt to MLA right and some other things. oh well, i had forgotten abotu the rubric.

2003-09-18T23:00:00.000-05:00

i forgot how great these Java nighsts could be. today was especially thrilling becasue of the Day-Java Day double wammy. so what if it wasn't much Day, buit i went to alanna's and had beautiful time. we got footage of me ferociously beating a stuffed dragon, adn me dancing with a string of christmas lights while alanna and i sing the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. not only that but i got 2, count 'em TWO mixes. ca me fait fondre ( Stereo Total quote). becca had two brilliant new songs, both with kevin accompiniement on the djimbe and the ahrmonica. she is growing so much and i feel so priveledged to be a witness. she even asked my help on a harmony, and i volunteered my viola, this time i wont abck out like always. laylee, you inspire french. we better ahve our French Day, and O will it be fantastique. Margret and Katherine showed up at Open Mic, which was very exciting. margret and i further planned out our farm-commune. we are scouting property sunday. kevin dropped alanna off at home, adn she and i were "suave" again. we'll get it right eventually. never. then kevin drove me home. it was a rare occurence, just seeing he and laylee and not ahving someone else there to watch. i felt like a private audience, as wierd as taht sounds. i felt really myself on the way home. i dont knwo why. yipidee do and all. that was a realyl comfortable palce for me. i dont know. i forgot my stuff in kevins trunk and he had to come back.

i had the best conversation with Mrs Kraker in Chemistry today. there was never a mroe compasionate, concerned woman. i told her about voltaire. i knew she'd get a kick out of it, she being all cosmodic and all. katherine had a VERY VERY cosmodic dream the other night. it so amazing and meaningfull. only to ketherine.

i dont knwo how our jazz abnd ranks among your average school jazz band. but today at lunch with "the sexiest song ever" it was just too much.i loved it. i LOVE jazz entensely, and i dont hear enough of it.

2003-09-17T21:02:00.000-05:00

latest song idea for the CD:

me sing amazing grace R&B/ Gspel style. with me and alanna and whoever punk screamign behind it.

2003-09-17T18:24:00.000-05:00

FUCK YOU JENNINGS!

YOU HEFFA!!!!!!!
WID CHO COME OVA

I WANT TO HIT YOUR GIBBLET
YOU ANAL PIECE OF SHI-IT

2003-09-17T17:57:00.000-05:00

i;m excited abotu ym new art project. i hope it doesnt get frustrating. and i hope i ACTUALYL AHVE TIME FOR IT. i phoned alanna after school when i realized tryign to nap was in vain. we talked and talked about our hellish day-wweks. it was refreshing to hear someone's voice after school. today in french i think i did a descent job of recounting the story of Le Femme de Menage. i was just proud that i tried. eventualy i had to give up becaus i didnt knwo how to talk about sex in french. history was a suprise and awful. we all had to participate in a discussion, which implies that you actaulyl ahve something to say and that you can public speak. everyoen woudl jsut repeate thigns the book said and it all felt really arbitrary. mostly peoepl woudl just say things i was thinking, once i finalyl planned to voice them. althoguth Chris and Jinbo and Tim Shafer-gusher (i only sorta see it. william is a much mroe likely kandidate. and i think i liek both of them. so yeah) came up with some original incites. this week was exhausting. then during lunch i tried doign my presentation then got realyl nervous. in english i was nervous but it went better than expected. i always do a good job of not caring or worrying iuntil the last minute. whihc i guess is better than worrying for days or all day. but basically the triple wam-ee of history-french-english public speaking jsut had me really fried and frazzled and fidgety anf other f words. it was the kinda nervouis that leaves you exhasuted even while your shaking and crowns it off with a head ache whipped topping. and a fulushed cherry on top. serisouly. its been a marathon. and all my student stamina has been dried up. no carign for a few weeks.

kill the homeless.

2003-09-16T21:36:00.000-05:00

in chemistry oday Iesha had SLAM. i quickly found the DiCaprio poem adn read it aloud. it was more sexc than i remembered. she peobaly thinks i;m a freak. she said it sounded like somethign Brandon woudl write.

2003-09-16T21:34:00.000-05:00

"life's a bitch
but such a hot one!"

2003-09-16T19:05:00.000-05:00

i jsut saw The Housekeeper with the french vclasses. it was very yuneventful. very french, but not prententious enough to laugh at. i dont recomend it.

katherine, i;m reminding you to tell me abotu your idea.

i told Gilbert about ym French movie idea. she said she'd check our skript. mayeb this wil make us actualyl do it.

2003-09-15T21:38:00.000-05:00

we are supsoed to decorate our Alg Project folders. i blew ink all over mien. it looks liek my chemistry book. i hope she hates it.

2003-09-15T19:19:00.000-05:00

nothign realyl hapened today except school. the french III clas sis doing mroe ocmplex than we are and that pisses me off. i got into this clas sbecause i wanted a more thurough, intense french study. i starting runnig with this argumatn in 6th period. then i remembered mrs barrom. I REVEL IN MY TRIUMPH OVER THEE!

i think i figured out what bothers me about that Sigur Ros video and other such prtrayals. when other people see some glorious struggle or some shit, i just see a confused messed up littel boy. it sends me back to Pisgah. and we al knwo i repel cheese its. n'ough said.

alanna is supposed to be on so i can tell her i;m listening to pixies.

it kils me that i dont realyl liek russel taht much. well, i cant realyl say i dont kliek him. he's never talked to me. but everyone jsut adores adores him. but i think i;ve figured it out. he's...excelling dans une facon que j'ai abandonné parce que j'ai pensé que il fallait à réprimer. j'ai pensé que personne aime les garçons flamboyant. j'ai rejeté une partie de ma personalité. je suis un bisexual mauvais. hahahaha. there. now you dotn ahve to suffer through my painfully teen revelation moment.

i;m in such a great mood.

i really hate this post.

2003-09-14T20:22:00.000-05:00

"this is one of the very few instances of contemporary rhyming poetry that doesn't piss me off. this is honestly the best thing i've read in like two, maybe three weeks. especially those last two lines. bravo. sex. bravo."
-Brandon

this from brandon. i;ve never been more honored.

2003-09-14T13:26:00.000-05:00

Lauren called Sleater Kinney goat music. baaaaaaaaaah (<<>-----goat noise)

2003-09-14T12:04:00.000-05:00

i was sooo adolescent last night. wow.

i just wrote for the first time in a LOOONG time. it felt great. i hadbeen writing in my head and it was jsut frustrating and alto of pressure. but once i satared putting it down. out it came. i posted on teh website. but becasue i'm feeling most triumphant at the time, i will oist it here too.

Tango

Your breast on my chest,
Spin, dip, animal eyes.
Kick; I catch your thigh.
Wrap your leg. I grasp your waist.
Rain pounds the accordion pace.
The cars splash violin hums,
And there is a guitar strum
To the beat of our bear feet
Pounding the flooded gravel.
Your face glows red against the night,
From the neon signs and street lights.
Its Barcelona,
on your drive way.

2003-09-13T23:49:00.000-05:00

Davis L. wore a fucking cowboy hat and his PAJAMAS to teh PSAT thing this morning. you didnt just role out of bed and come to schol if you bothered to chose a COY BOY HAT.

after attempting to be productive i descided to fuick it and called alanna at cooper young. she was there with elizabeth, jenny, rosio, chirtie, and katherine W. i was promtly on my way. i ran into hananh, but we talked only briefly. we stood around. russel talked to them and stuff. we saw becca. she had a great henna on her hip. william was with her too. we amde it to teh yougn avenue deli. alanna and i chose songs from teh jukebox. i saw sophie and actualyl got to talk to her, and got to hang out wiht lauren Dunn, which was nice.

i threw hamburger at william. i hope he thougth it was funny.

he drove us home. he took a detour and got stuck in teh Southern Football Classic or something. so basicalyl we were stuck on summer and then holylwood in this never-moving line of rap blarring cars. when we went into an underpass there was this realyl funyn group of guys blaring rap and hanging out the windows. it was so funny. at another poitn this group od black kids walked by. "look at teh white fok". i love me and my cat bones. thast what it sounded someone called us. i guess tahst the word on the streat for white foks. we listen to this MAD KILLER mix some friend of williams made. it was awesome and ethnic and the type of stuff i used to download when i could. i mean, it was ME 100%. willaim also quoted someone's *cough* blog. he said he'd make me a copy of the mix. i said i;d never get it. i was proud of myself for saying that. alanna and me ahd a brocure fight. for some reason william had this box filled wiht brosures for DVDs or somethign. we made godo use of them, anyhow. he dropepd me and alanna off at her house as it started raining. we tried tango-ing in the rain. we are so smooth and suave and sexy. i bruised my foot. thast how smooth we are. we're much more fitted for jumping around, whihc we also did in the huge puttle taht forms in teh middle of the busy street by her house. ti was so much fun. i sugn shakira, which i hadnt done in a LONG time. but man, the rain.
her dad luckily had some pants i could use.
we watched Blow Dry, which is a new-old Strickly Ball Room- esque type movie, set in england of course. it had josh hartnet-fetus in it doign an accent. the acents were meserising tho. it was a good movie. as alanna said, it was a very cozy comfy night. there is something relaxing about havign wet bones and dry clothes and a big couch to fall into.

2003-09-13T13:16:00.000-05:00

Today after the PSAT workshop Drake says “Hey brock, do you want to split a Chick-fil-a family platter?” with overanimated facial features and doing the finger-pistol point thing. “What?”. It was competlely caught me off guard. And worse. I MADE A FACE. It was like “I’m scared slash confused” face an di wonder if it ahd a hint of a smile. I don’t know. Butit was bad. i couldnt help the face. it was commpletely involuntary. He refrased less animated. Was this a joke? Was this serious? Why chick fil a? why a family plater? Why me? Why now? I think my face just contorted and gnarled as all these thing went through ym head. I stumbled and stumbled and finally was like “no. I can’t, family oicking me up..” oh it wasw bad. Then he turned away kind of hurtwith a why-do-I-even-try-face. I acnt help but wonder why he asked me. We hardly talked at all in homeroom last year. But I did laugh at him when he told Phil to shut up, and drew him after the verbal part of the test. I don’t think he saw me tho. And plsu I drew everyone who was in an interesting position. It just baffles me. But I feel like an ass.

When the amth teacher was going over stuff with us, I just couldn’t follow anything. It didn’t help that half the time they went over a test they had taken last week. But even on the test that I took, I couldn’t even care to look badck and see what ui missed. But I missed 8 out of 25. and didn’t answer 5.

Some guy asked me about my chamber music shirt. Turns out he plays viola. I drew him too. Wexler also asked me about ym shirt, and seemed disapoitned when I explained about youth orchestra.

There were a lot of us in the techers lounge inbetween the math and verbal classes-things. It was dark except for the red glow of the vending machine. But I sat in the uber cool gliding chair, no, not a rocking chair, a g l i d i n g chair.

My sandles make suction noises if my foot hits them right, because my feet are so damn clammy.

A few nights ago I dremt that I drew the reflection of a refrigirator in purple pastel on an apple. The weirdest part was, I remember consciously going over my color options and chosing purple.

2003-09-12T18:07:00.000-05:00

i just got abck from Memphis Pizza cafe. everyone had left it had been nearly an hour after alanna, elizabeth, and lauren Henyr had left and i had just descided to walk home, when mom finaly came to pick me up. an old friend of her's had stopped by and she lost track of time. teh experience was a classic over-anticipation. i piss alanna off sometimes. oh well, i guess i can't help it. i was i had gotten to see margret tonight. she had invited me to come with her to teh mall with her group to raid the food court. i;m shit at making friendships extracurricular. i;d say i wanted to see her saturday night, but that woudl jenxs it.

JENKS! YOU CAN"T TALK TILL I SAY YOUR NAME THREE TIMES
or make a wish, however you see the glass.

Alanna gets really excited aroudn kevin. "he's so nice" i haev to admit i;m envious. isnt that horrible. i;m so selfish. i guess its just liek her freind-of-a-groupy-fear situation. sigh.

apparently i smell good.

i;m realyl shit socially. how can i be so boring and not-funny obnoxious. pluis i feel really stagnant. i ahvnt made any new friends in a while. i guess beign a jumping bean had its advantages. but damn do i ahte mexican style heart burn.

allison beat off becca's advances on her man meat (me)

alanan and i irritate elizabeth.

listneing to: velvet underground. this is excatly my mood right now.

my music selection is SO expansive.

2003-09-11T20:25:00.000-05:00

jsut got back from the Scribbler staff party.

it was fun. all those super student kids are a godo time. clever and funyn and stuff. i really liek taht megan rob.
i also got to hang out with Ada and Halle, who are very cool. i'd liek to get to knwo them better. i dont think they car abotu me too much. but oh well.
i talked to Mathew Freeman's sister about the Jesus thing. she was really clued-out. sha also asked "so did you go to the co-op thing" (the film fest) i said no but my friends did and ahd three thigsn in it. she replied "ah. i just am wondering where you fit in. i cant realyl palce you" i thought that was wierd. i mean, yes peoepl do that, but its even wierder when tehy TELL you about it.
(dont get me wrong, i LOVE to hear about people's initial reactiosn to me, other, etc.)
there was this one moment where a few people were talkign abtou drinking and what not. it was realyl stupid and adolescent.

2003-09-10T18:25:00.000-05:00

i;'m going to start a class where everyone dives into vats of paint then, dances , wriggles, jumps, and convulses on the canvas covered walls, floor, and ceiling (we'll ahve a bungy cord system rigged up) to insane, expressive music.

who wants in?

anyoen up for singer-napping Karen O with me? she wouldnt mind.

2003-09-10T17:27:00.000-05:00

For those of you who are wondering if i;m going out wiht allison...i am. we DO IT all the time.

i jsut gto abck from teh optomitrist. my eyes are 25% worse than they were udner a year ago. the good news is that i had degenerated even more befr that last visit. so i;m due for a plateau any time.

turns out biglert jsut wants me to type up some names in alphabetical and grade order. no biggy. feuw. (<---not a typo)
she sadi we four french III skippers are doign best in the class. i thought that was super chouette. (sp?)

on subject of MUN:

"who all is doing it?"
"super students"
"you dont want to stayu in that category?"
"i;m nto in that category"
"14th in your class is pretty good borck"
"thast the 14th percentile mom"
"oh"

i dotn even knwo if thast my real rank. i dotn want to feel liek a slacker for not doing MUN...but it was fun. i 've been to New Haven already now. and its just one more thing to do, that isnt realyl important. sigh i dont knwo waht to do. i;f i can get her to argue with mye until friday it wont be a problem. thast the cut off date for entries. she's not realyl arguing either. she's just concerned. "it'll look good on a resume" i knwo taht. but i finalyl dont care abtou taht anymore.

i really want to get to ypga this weekend. its a great stress releiver. but guess what. i ahve no time! ahhh paradox. i havn't been to yoga since school started, that hit me today at lunch. wow.
i got a math project adn an English revision due next week assigned today. its just PEACHY.
i;m starting to feel sick/allergies. i knwo i'm just psyching myself into illness. i need to go get happy and calm doiwn.
so i;m off to lsiten to teh Yeah Yeah Yeah's.

2003-09-09T16:17:00.000-05:00

Mario ran over my toe with his luggage.

i admire anyone who can dream about peopel other than themself. shows how unself absorbed that eprson is.

apaprently Lindy L. talks about me to allison sometimes. is it sad that that feeds my ego? hell, everythign does.

Hungry Hungry Ego!
its a self esteem chase
Hungry Hungry Ego!
trip: and fall on your face!

if you didnt catch it, that was to the tune of Hungry Hungry Hippo's

we are actualyl going to do things in Beta Club. what the fuck?

Gilbert moved the movei night to next tuesday. because i;m the co-secretary of the National Honor Society, i;lm in charge of mailing out invitatiosn to all french club and honor society members. or something.

this is what i et for applying to things that ware supsoed to be hollow positions.

2003-09-08T23:43:00.000-05:00

i HATE HATE HATE how consumed wiht jelousy i can become. why does it ahve to be so intense. why does it ahve to be so sudden. way does it ahve to be so important. GAH I HATE IT.

2003-09-08T23:25:00.000-05:00

my guardian philosopher Voltaire and Cosmos have teamed up once again.

to the Power Rangers theme:

GO GO VOLTAIRE AND COSMOS!
GO GO VOLATIRE AND COSMOS!
DALI LAMMA

i ahev the best trio of influential freinds a guy ever ahd.

2003-09-08T19:28:00.000-05:00

I just bougth The American Political Tradition, that I had no idea we were suppose to have.

I couldn’t drive to davis kidd because I didn’t have my permit. Its int eh wallet that I lost some time this weekend. Studio said they didn’t have it, and alanna couldn’t find it. So I guess its in Beijing with my Ani Stray Cats and the original Atom and his Package CD’s.

I;m very excited about our stalking website. It will nice and creepy and crude.

Mom said she wanted to make sure that I go to the prom to do something normal. Because I’m so” anti social and can’t do anything anyone else is doing.” She’s weird.

We ahd a very productive Do You Know Where Your Children Are? Productiosn meeting. Got a lot of organization done. I see a few films on the horizon. I want to work on my parody sometime soon. I had planne dion this weekend, bu it loks like tis going to be pretty full. I have to finish The Scarlet Letter, do my English research project and attend the PSAT workshop.
The week loks equally as bad. French test. US History Test. Chem Test. Scribbler Staff Meeting at megan rob’s onteh same night the French club and students are going to Ridgeway Four to see a movie. Halle was going to talk to Gilbert about the conflict. And I wont even have time to do an independent study for art.

i dotn think i;m goind to do MUN thsi year. i woudl only do it to go to New Haven.

Alanna and I read some of The Crucible, we personified an eraser, a lunch box, a riole of tape, a strip of stickers, my copy of The Scarlette letter, and her purse as the cast of characters to help us visualize.

2003-09-07T22:19:00.000-05:00

hersheys086 [10:10 PM]: and what's w/ all the misspellings

2003-09-07T20:17:00.000-05:00

well, the prospective buyers of our house just backed out of closing again. our deal pivots on some man buying their house, and it appears taht he's a unt case.
so for now, the seige is off and i'm still ehre in East Memphis, which is good-bad.

this morning mom and dad randomly said "if you aren't enjoying orchestra, don't do it"

hooray for liberation.

2003-09-06T23:44:00.000-05:00

i;m afraid i'm trapping myself into teh same cage i made for myself this sumemr. i;m already starting to stretchmyself too thin already this school year, liek i always do. this is what i get for trying to do everything and wanting to not regrette not doing anything. PSAT workshops start next saturady. orchestra p[ractices start next sunday. i;m goign to have to practice like hell every weekday. and i want to do do this art camp, whichever happens, i ahve to go to driving school, and mom is heavily hinting at a job. as or right know, if it was up to me, i;d drop Orchestra. art is more important and mom doesnt understand that. she said "dont overload yourself. be a kid. have fun". having fun would be art, not staying in orchestra.

i wonder how boze dropped out.

it woudl take ALOT ALOT ALOT of good parental convincing, complete with power point to convince them.

tongiht i saw Camp with alanna, morgan and laylee, and lauren and becca Quasney who we ran into at teh theatre (notice the [intentional] hauty spelin...why? i dont know). it was HISTERICAL. i havnt had nearly that great of a time at a movie since Moressey. (the movcie wasnt as good, but the time was in taht percintile. ) teh movie was histerical and at times very painful. we are SO INCREDIBLY LOUD. apparently we drowned out teh movie with our cackling at points. at other times i would claw the nearest persons hand at teh painfuly steriotipical or other gratting points. but O Lawd was it a godo time.

can anwone lend me some gospel?please o please o PLEASE someone get yme some gospel.

then we went back to alanna's. after a heated discussion abotu the moviekevin came back/over. we all sat around on alanna's bed piled full of stuff. alanna ran away out the window. i ran out the front door and attacked her. then we spun aroudn whiekl holding wrists in taht cyclone way. collapsed. then rolled around and did rolly pollies. other thigns happened but the night was soon over.

latest version:

gunna make me an indian girl
gunna eat her curry (x3)

[the band blares in] HER HOT HOT CURRY!

...to be continued

robin's dad and chris's dad and Lily Afshar all ahve pictures up in teh U of M music hall.

2003-09-06T23:27:00.000-05:00

Topday I went to the Youth Orchestra retreat. The makority of the kids are under the age of 14 and are asian. The harpist was ten and about a fourth the size of the harp. I hadn’t played since Chamber Music Camp and can’t sight read, so the whole time I just pretende dto play. It showed. Alt hat time would ahev been better spent if I had just sat at hoem and figured out the music. At first I thought Mr Cheng was nice, then I realized how exacting he is. I;’m sure I’ll renounce any mention of his niceness come the third practice where we will all have to play the pieces individually.

Grandmother picked me up and we went to the Indian festival there on the U of M campus. It was exciting. We ate some of the food and watched some of a talent show. There were a lot of little girls all gussied up and doing dances. and there was also an elderly lady singing Indian-style.

I don’t know how the hell I;m going to juggle practicing for orchestra with everything else.

2003-09-05T22:17:00.000-05:00

in chemsitry i realized how much i hate the word "girls night out"

Berlin said i woudl be a shoe-in for the Ap Saturday classes at teh MCA. that made my life worth living. i hope it actualy happens.
anyone who thinks i talk to much about art...can suck it.
this is my blog, po-po ass.

robin is goign to enter a poster contenst, for International Paper. kudos to her. she seems determined to get involved.i; dliek to do a contest eventualyl. Trey Kirk wins everythign he enters, says Berlin. not always 1st place. so we still ahve a chance.

days you anticipate end up lamer tahn expected.

Alanna and i met up with meg, margret, jenny, elizabeth, christie, katherine, robin, and lauren henry at El Mezcal. there was somethign in teh air, it grated your throught...whenever you tooka deep breath you coughed.
this time wasnt as thrilling as the last (lack of allison?). the conversation was still good and funny, but there wasn't teh reck-lose excitement of the first sponteneous Mezcal Day. thsi day was planned, and the novelty had worn off by now.

Christie adn Katherine and Robin were determined to go on a man hunt and pick up guys.
They asked me where guys hang out.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

for some reason tehy descided on Turtles Music. because tutrles music, as everyone knows, is teh hub of easy guy pickin's. needless to say it was un successful. but we stood aroudn and had good chat.

i came up with a song abotu how i';m goign to marry and indian girl.
the initial lyrics went as such:

Gunna marry me and indian girl
gunna make curry

the tune has been lost in teh bowls history.
i dont know why it has to be bowls.
maybe becasue today i saw Mddison Bowl's good water colored cartoon.

oh yes. today after school i looked at Grant (who i never talk to)'s portfolio and we had as good a conversation as one can have on teh soul basis of someones half done portfolio that was done in AP art, which you're not in.
and also, after talking to alanna about Ada and how you think she's cool but wouldnt realy want to talk to you, ebcause she seems distant, approaches you with a smile, whcih you completely dont expect. and you have (mostly observe) a conversation with her until your ride comes.

just letting you knwo who you talked to after school and how you felt.

i also loved how Wexler completely tourched everythign we've ever been taught about formal writing.

it was very liberating.

but i digress.
after turtles we went to Overton Park (ho ho, great place to pick up guys there..if you're a middle aged gay man in teh bushes) I think teh hunt had been put on hold. Alanna spotted a car with some coolthigns attached to it. some being:
a sticker for some lesbian record label. the most obscure thign ever, according to alanna. the labels name involved a cat . i want to say Eat Kitty, but thats wrong. and the sticker had a pickture of a pussy cat eating. alanna pointed out teh irony.
among the other random stickers tehre was a chrsitan fish symbol amde of caly (the car was parked infront of the MCA) and said "BAIT" inside it.

christie and elizabeth had a race. supposedly elizabeth cheated.
we swarmed this guy with a tiny tiny tiny dog. he promtlywalked away as we stopepd him. we were an intimidating mob (meg and margo are out tof the picture now)
we swung. it was fun. filled our lungs. in teh sun.
i dont know either.

we tried goign into teh MCA for frinks but the policemen only allowed two of us in. Robin shoudl ahve piossed as a student .she had teh MCA orientation shirt on.

in Overton park there are alot of what the security guard called "loopers", peeps who driove around in curcles aimlessly.

this one guy was getting on christie's nerves.
he was blarring pop music and dancing.
christie got in her car and folowed him around harassing him. he was relitively unphased. he had J Lo and No Doupt, BeyoncÃ©, and freinds to keep him distatracted. at one point he was douign this really correographed Vogue-esque dancing, complete with a eye-batting head snap. There will alwasy be a little somethign that bothers me abotu nuclear-strength flammers and somethign about them that make sme self conscious. I hate thast my response. psychological shit i know. it's worse coming from...me.

Robin caught teh eye of her "Sexy Mexy" looper. he drove by several types blarrig latin music to catch a glance at robin. she was doign her signature crazy-retarted-sexy dance. a few times he slowwed down and the alst time started groving with her, still in his car of course.

i admire christie and katherine's sponteneity. Margret and meg are teh same way. i guess they encourage each other.

as exciting as all this sounds, there was, as alanna said, alot of down time.

katherine wants to amke a movie. hip hip horay!
someone was yellgint hat int he halsl today. it was realyl odd. alot of people joine din. and they wernt in parliment. or a meade hall.

i had planne dot do a little pon my Franch Parody tonight. nothign happened, which realy didnt dissapoitn me, because i nkew that, even if it was just me and alanna, we woudl only spend a few minutes on it then get sidetracked.

fromt ehre katherine and christie and robin went off and elizabeth, jenny, lauren, alanna and i went to alanna's house. it was rather uneventful. alanan showe them a bunch of clips and films things i;ve already seen plenty.
i got some nice sketchign in tho. and i pop-arted a commercial appeal front page. mayeb nto pop art, but some guy in my pop art book did sometihgn similar.

then mom came and got me.

i have an orchestra retreat tomarow. and i;m really rusty. realyl realyl rusty. we are talking hill billy truck-in-the-front-yard rusty. we'll see how it goes.

2003-09-04T21:20:00.000-05:00

just wrapped up my fruit pastel pice of hell. its no longer a pice of hell but i still dotn liek it. its a boring still life.and its so neon to me. pastels on a big scale was an adventure anyways
i ahve to set Berlin straight. i;m not doign this shit as a whoel independent study. i'm jsut doign whatever i feel like.

Grandmom and granddad stopped by. there are doign the rounds---marlynlnn in atlants, tom in nashville, us in memphis. and they were heading up to arkansas to visit Aunt Kay..but apparently they sold Lobo Landing, so grandma and granddad just went to colliervil to kay's other house? i dont know. its stange seeing one from florida for one meal and then them leave.

becasue they came i couldnt go to teh Digital Film Fest screening of Untouchable Face and Get Up. and i'm also missing Open-mic. i hope everyone is having a good time.

i listened to Lucero tonight. i'm not crazy abuto them. which i;m sure is a sin. i need to loistne to them again. if i didnt lsitne to music twice i woudl hate everything.

2003-09-03T18:12:00.000-05:00

This morning in homeroom Elizabeth showed me the Staturday School mailing. In the cluster of pictures linning the top of the lail-out was my painting of Joni Mitchelle…TWICE.

There was a picture of tarah too.

Last night I worked on my pice of hell and threw away one sheet of it. I brought it to berlin this morning. Either he was impressed or thought this was what I planne don doing for my independent study, but later in class he talked to me about the wonders of pastels and what colleges like about seeing “organic subject matter” and composition stuff and shape comprehension blah blah blah. He offered some special pastel paper. I appreciate the attention and encourage ment, but once I started thinking…I really don’t want to be tied down to one media and one subject matter. I;m still going to do what I want. But I’ll definitely keep doing apstels and fruits (he suggested throwing in a Christmas ornament or two).

I cant think of anything amazing that happened during school except that I sung Enya with Iesha during chemistry. it was relaxing to say the least.

is the past tense of "to recite" "recote"?

it is now.

After school I ran into becca and we got our sing on. I needed to use aktherine’s cel phone so I was rushing. Laylee showed up, then bret hanover. By this time I was easing away and I hear becca say “this guy is cool” to laylee. I thought so too last year. He has some cool qualities, interested in film and makes movies, well read, etc. I spent the last day of school with him and his friends the sunny-hannah clan. I think they mentioned he had been acting weird lately, but I guess I caught him at a very un appealing time. My opinion o fhim changed after that. although, he ahs tried to talk to us after school, and I;’ve watned to talk, but I don’t hink anyone else was interested, and as he said “these conversatiosn are impossible to walk into”. Indeed.

There was a lame bridge builders meeting after school today. I need to get on the stick about ym involvement and volunteer hours and what have you.

I had my first viol alesson in a while. It was nice to get a-fiddlin again.
There is a retreat Saturday. I hope I don’t desintegrate.

Imagine images of people being beaten up on the streets. Imagine some passed out int eh gutter. Imagine poverty. 3rd world countries.
Now imagine it all to me singing the theme of Reading Rainbook.

Such is my latest movie idea.

I thought it was funny.

2003-09-02T18:36:00.000-05:00

i hate being plagued by all the stupid things i've done and said. you'd think with my memory it wouldnt be a problem.

2003-09-02T17:20:00.000-05:00

apge 77 of my algebra bok says, in pencil, "ask CJ is he my boyfriend"

2003-09-02T16:38:00.000-05:00

i jsut finished off a peminto and turkey panini and O was it damn damn good.

i'm taking advantage of proximity to cool food while i can. mom and dad went hosue gandering today, and foudn one they really lieked. its "very Metropolitan Home" to quoth maman. no, thats not "my man" thats "mama" frechinfied.

i jsut gto back from scribbler staff meeting. it was uneventful. we started off with a writting exercise which was fun. it was bassed off of a picture that you chose and a line that was taped to teh abck. mien was of an old man holding a hand up to his balding head ina na agsty/stressed fashion. he had a wedding badn on. my line was "he had touched the bottom of the lake in his youth"
my story was about him thinking he lost his wedding ring in the lake. hew was forgetfull and clumsy and based on yours trulely.
halle sat infriont of me a) becasue she possibly wanted to and b) becasue it was the alst chair. i stil dont know if she lieks me. she's talked to me some after or befor french. and i've talked to her at java a handfull of times. i showed her my picture once the meeting was over "i love it. its so angst." she said "oh, picasso". i felt liek a pretentious ass. which is what she already thigks i am. i think.

patricia li and hi had a bullet conversation on the glories of angst. then teh thign started. i hope scribbler doesnt suck. i hoep i can get some influence in on the advertising thing. megan rob either annoys me with her perkiness or happiesmee with her happiness. i havnt figured it out yet.

she is goign to throw a "pot luck party" at her hosue so that we can all bond, in an organized bonding sort of way.

after the meeting let out i talked to the Tracy girl who is in my hoem room and went to Mt Pisgah. we talked abotu the scribbler staff (she's on too) and she has a very imature i-wish-i-was-daria sarcastic-Maryesque sense of humor. i regretted initiating conversation. i guess tahst the kind of peoepl i hung out iwht at Pisgah. i guess thast who i was. but wow, peopel can realyl nto change.

it soudns liek alanna had a good time at the Tori-BenFolds concert in atlanta.

wenli gave me a chinese newspaper from atlanta. there is an add tryign to sell a pseudo-plantation surroudned by asian charecters. i thoguth ti was funny. she also lent me two chinese-technique water color books. très exciting.

of course my pasteled pice of hell is still burnign with teh rath of satan.
mayeb i can save it later tnight. but probably not.
tehre is a girl in my art class who is realyl good. and i ahte how jelous i get. i realyl have to work on being happy for others. or atleast not caring/being content wiht my talent.

2003-09-01T19:38:00.000-05:00

HAHAHA I'm so watching the OC.

its histerical

and robin's right. its hot.

2003-09-01T16:22:00.000-05:00

i have a calous, AND a bruse on my leg from teh moracas.

alanna, if you read this after you get back, bring my french bok to school tuesday morning.

well today has been really stagnant.
i woke up and---determined to accomplish somethign i planne don fro teh weekend---started pasteling. it hasnt turned out great. i ahte that my first independent thing wil be wack. yes. i said wack. and i tried reading history, but even tho this book has more interesting tidbits, it doesnt hold my attention like the World History one did. i just can't trod through details quickly.

2003-09-01T00:44:00.000-05:00

i have a moracca calous on my thum. i;m in a hard core band.

2003-08-31T23:39:00.000-05:00

Tonight i officailly became part of a band.

i wen tover to alanna's to be there while she records. i expected it to me liek the Hair recording. kinda laid back and mellow. but still shiningly happy. tonight was MOE GLORIOSU TAHN I COULD HAVE EVER EXPECTED.

first it was jsut me and alanna. i was kinda blue for some reason. i ahd planned to do soem other stuff at home. we read blogs. did other stuff. went to sonic. saw LAQUITA our sonic server goddess. than suddenly becca bullets from Poplar traffic in an explosion of happiness. she always hitts you liek a firework.
we went back to alanna's house. laylee came over and it was the 4th of July. after lounging aroudn the open window and on alanna's bed we went to the computer to start recording. Becca wanted to RECORD SOMETHIGN WIH ME. i wasreally psyched to sing. we were goign to sing soethign by...some band, but she startred to write something. The finished product starts off with squeeky toys, kevin saying "squeeky squeeky squeeky!" in a muppet kinda voice. then, along with teh guitar, we all burst into a long string of poppycock and other (no, not cylindrical) nonsense. then just becca says "you can always play god in my movies". there is a last realease of queek and c'est fini. after more goofing around, singing a universe of random songs including loud theatrical productions of 90's power ballads, we got back to groovin. becca wanted to do an insturmental thing where we all play something. it was becca on the guitar, kevin on teh djimbe (?) [----its a drum], alanna on mono-tambarene thing, me on teh morraccas, laylee (silently) on teh sunglasses, and morgan first on the rice-filled suitcase (until it exploded after a take and we all burst into 15 minutes of laughing that got feed half way thru by me finalyl realizing why everyoen else was laughing) at which time she switched to the plastic sac. how many takes did we do? a million. but it was well worth it. at oen point i felt liek a partridge. probably when morgan busted out into teh theme song. we finalyl ended with a last God Speed You! Black Emporer-esque song.. it was a steady crescendo followed by everyone thundering in, then it got suddenly soft then built up again very quickly. i think she used an altercation of a rif thats already in one of her songs. but i coudl be making taht up. what a brillaint little singer-songwriter. she called me her spanish crumpet and then her spansih jumping bean or something. i ahve no idea. wish i coudl remember.

then i had to go home. i bet its still going on. sigh. i lvoe my friends.

2003-08-31T16:01:00.000-05:00

wenli, does teh french assignment end at page 10 or 11?

2003-08-31T14:10:00.000-05:00

May i mention
i love pretention.
i'm on a mission.
so stop your bitch'n.

This has been a cathardic rhyme by brock

2003-08-30T22:24:00.000-05:00

I hate how when I;m with someone, I’ll often steer the conversation to talk of other people. Apparently I do this a lot, and I’m thinking about how true it is. Maybe I resort to talking about other people because it’s a sure-fire mutal topic. And plus I guess I have the dynamics and levels of relatiosnhips on my mind a lot. I should be connecting with this person, exjoying their company and doing memorable things, b t I guess I feel like I stil do that when they/we are talking about the other people. I;m stil getting their view points and opinions. I gues you could talk about anything and manage to feel closer to someone. Talking of other people is no so bad after all.

Hehe. The mechanics of a realization, blog style. I love how I can type my way into understanding myself.

By the way. We’ve sold our house. We have to be out by sept 20th. Life in the convenient castle has gone kerplunk.

Also, today I went to wild oats because I had a hankrin for some tea.

It was antoher lovely alanna-talk day. its nice to counter yesterday’s excitement with a laid back day. its really what I needed. Plus, trying to recreate another great day after another would definitely end in disappointment.
We talked a lot on the phone during the day, and eventually I got to her hosue
But not befor I bougth some watercolor paper! I was very excited, but I’ve accepted the fact that watercolor does not want to be my friend.
Anywho, we watched old music videos from our youth. Dusting off old songs is our new favorite past time. If anyone can remember that song by Toni Braxton wher she is in a white suit in a purple-pink room, please sing it for me. I cant remember for the life of me.
Somehow we made it to alanna’s room and ended sitting on her window sil. I can’t explain how classically teen movie it was. And oh yes, the national guard came to break up our orgy with the heroin addicts.

I can hardly fit in the window because I;m too tall, so I laye dback on the bed with just my feet out the window. Alanna stretched out in the window very classily. She is going to sleep there tonight. She was wearing some fitting jeans,a nd a blue top tahts tighter than I;m used to seeing her in. I rigged up her window with a blind cord to keep the window from slamming shut on her. It was very gettho. Shirley Q Liquor would be proud.

We talked. Sometimes we retrace our steps thru some routine subjects, but there wasn;t a lot of that tonight. A lot of virgin forest, it seems.( That could so be a naughty metaphore.) Its nicve to feel like we’ve moved on.

Vittles and venison are my two favorite words.

2003-08-29T22:29:00.000-05:00

Drinking: Tazo Plum Delicious tea

discovery: hto asian men and sexy asian girls swarm around the starbucks on poplar by taco bell liek moths around "a bare bulb". tehre was a certain table of smart-dressed asain girls, all black-haired and porcleine-skinned. plus, i saw this one particular guy, priobably middle eastern or light indian. kinda thin, dark short hair, prominent nose, mocha voice, black shirt, grey pants. very euro-hip.

today was a very good day. and tonight was a nice group-happenin.

i made scribbler staff. i'm not on publicity liek i wanted. whitney camp is. probably because she hsa a camera. i was very zealous about my ideas too.

chrsitine sat with us at lunch today, adn so did Kevin. on aworld-ending note, its was becca's last lunch with us. her schedule changed.

school was great. nothign bothered me. and art was even better today abecause all i did was talk to margret, adn Berlin said he wanted to enter a still life of mine in teh scholastic art competition thing. i know i know, i've talked too much about art lately. i knew that already, but it was just realy annoying when i was at alanna's tonight reading al these blogs with a ton of peopel and i had so many posts about art. i love teh blog network. everythign is always "you;ve read this blog?" "on this blog..." "whats your blog? "you dont ahve a blog? ytou shoudl". i;m proud to be a BRA member.

befor school allison mentioned going to El Mezcal, but i thougth it was some spanish-class event. after school, turns out it was a realy plan and everyoen was going. after i got my test score from Gilbert, i went out to use Katherine Warren's cel phone to call home. she started giving me a ride to El Mezcal, and right as we were waiting to pull out on poplar i realize i left my art stuff. there is no way to turn around. i need my art stuff. its a three day weekend. i'm starting on a hard fabric fold picture. i jump out the door and ran to school. "i'll meet you at teh resteraunt". Berlin leaves early. realyl early. i start running to teh art room. thankfulyl its portfolio day and he was grading. i got my stuff.
its hard to walk long distances in flip-slops. i did it bear feet.

at el mezcal, teh roster total was: Me, Katherine (it was nice getting to talk to her a bit), nisha, nina, allison, alanna, elizabeth, jenny, lauren henry, lauren's sister, meg, chrsitie. t'was a party.
after the fiesta, ELizabeth filmed Alanna, Allison, Jenny, and me in a rendition of Power Rangers. i did a kcik whiel suspended in mid air. it was very exciting. we beat thsoe puddie's asses.

Elizabeth and we drove allison hoem to teh "ghetto". yes, you ahve to pass ral;eigh springs mall, but her hosue si niec and she lives by a lake. finding our way out was an adventure tho.

from there we went to alanna's. i climed intot the bathroom via the window from teh hall. we looked thru old year books, read odl stories alanna, brittany Mcbride, morgan, dan Ying, Lauren dunn and Ima wrote years ago. i also read my favorite book "teh story is...*backjwards question mark* to elizabeth adn jenny, because its my favorite book, and beyond the earthly conception of genius. ten alanna started showing jenyn and elixabeth movie-works and i sat on teh floro and drew. (will you bring those drawings of youguys to school tuesday alanna?) Dan Ying soudns liek a hoot in middle school. very smart sense of humor. i wish i coudl get to knwo her and help her tap back into that.

robin and elsie stopped by. elsie was in a maroon velvet evening gown and robin was histerical, of course.

jenyn got hungry because she is a wonderful person and doesnt eat pizza. i cant say i was to hapyp abotu it, but i still ate it.
so we planned to go out.

on the way to tacobell alanan called margret. we (including morgan) ended up goign to star bucks acros teh way, and margret adn katherine and christie showed up expressly. oh, and there was some dude with them too. it was a realyl nice group situation. . christie wouldnt do her african tribla dance. i wish i was a dancer for Les PrÃ©cusionist de GuinÃ©e. we ahd a riot in teh tacobell parking lot. it was very movie.

2003-08-28T19:19:00.000-05:00

Stereo Total defies all human understanding of genius

2003-08-28T15:35:00.000-05:00

"c'est sexy, extatique, crazy, excentrique, animal, romantique, .....................c'est communiste

oouuuuuuuuuh...j'aime l'amour à 3"

proceeded by sex sounds

god i love Stereo Total. that sounds was about threesomes, if you havn't bable-fished it yet.

i submitted my scribbler staff appliction today. i hoe i get in. i didnt submit any artwork. hopefully my writing is good enough. wyatt said it was pretty competitive.

i wrote an essay in french today that was titled "Mon Homard" (my lobster).

latest addition to the get-to-know-list: Drew Christian. he was taht-cool-guy-with-the-pink-back-pack until yesterday when margret talked to him during the fire drill. i;'ve heard good-cool thigns about him. andhe was talking to that other cool-lookin guy, the skinny one with glasses and short black hair that look like its just rolled out of bed.

halle is doign AP artr things in my art 2 class. she told me how to make paper today. so i think i'll try that over the weekend. berry frolicking here we come becca!

Who's up for kidnapping Beck with me? will we rape him? yes.

2003-08-27T22:39:00.000-05:00

A few days ago i had a dream. (doesn't that word make you automatically hear ole MLK?) . teh whoel dream was this book of birthsthat was really just a thick, small littel spiral. i beleive once upon a time they were caled "little fat books" or sometihng. fatteis maybe. but the pages were a tangerine orange or a neon pink with bue lines. i start to flip from the back to teh front and all teh pages are blank until this one that says "Voltaire" is blue, maybe a thin-tipped blue marker, with a little squiggly line underneath it and a few dots around. liek someone ahd doodled it. then i flip thru the rest of the book and its blank. boom. dreams done. i wake up. realize me dream said volatire. Get out of bed. Get ready for school.

but, today in french class we were checking some fill-in-the-blank questiosn. and Gilbert says "by teh way, this question is a quote from Candide". She geos on to explain about Voltaire and how te theme of Candid is (Frenchly enough) that life is hard and horrible. the book revolves around one overly optimistic guy and another very pessimistic guy and also has someihngs to say about the evils of religion etc. the clencher is that at teh end of the bok there is a famous french quote that basicalyl syas "cultivate your garden" which is a metaphore for fostering your talents. because thast all you have in life. or something.

the night i had my VOltaire dream i had been wrestling with the art question. how risky going into teh field is. and probably had some worries about how art was goign to go and about not having talked to Berlin yet about independent study and what have you (hahaha i lve that phrase. that might be one of the only reasons i liek Tim Shafer). so i gues the whoel dream was saying that this is the birth of my life in art and that i have to persue it. and of course life wil be hard, its just how i perceive it.

its funyn because i was telling Katherine this revelation after english class and apaprently Wexler overheard and said "tihs all happened in your dream?!?!" she as amazed at teh cosmodicness of it all too. and encouraged me to read Candide. since Voltaire is screaming at me to do so.

in other news i've descided to stay in AP US. Honors sound like somethign i REALLY didnt want to do. too much class involvement and diluted information. i liek the depth of our AP book. even if i dont remember it.

we are doign teh white-on-black -paper thign in art taht i've seen SO many times in teh display window at school. i realyl liek it and think mien si turning out well . berlin siad it had alot of texture. i also talked to him about independent study and he was all for a design based study, but i'm goign to keep doing diret observation too. point is i have the opkay to run free in teh place of sketch bok assignments. and yes, alanna's doodle was a SKETCH. she's a SKETCHER. LIEK THE SHOE. anyway. i asked berlin about art amrk and he says art mark = A OK. so now i don't feel sloppy when i get realyl enthusiastic with my pencil. hahaha, because i;m in a peubescent mood, that sentence is realyl funny. okay. i;'ll stop.

OH!:

"tool box brock
bought 'im a sock
tool box brock
boiught 'im a sock

(Shaft-bridge)-----((interesting piece of architecture, n'est-ce pas?))

who is the box
thaaaaaaaaat rocks my socks?
(BROCK's!) can you dig it?

tool box brock
inside's a rock
tool box brock
bought 'im a sock"

is it me or are my songs getting lamer?

i can't wait to harmonize with my chick-a-dee becca-ly skippidiy-dee!

okay i'll stop.

2003-08-25T21:43:00.000-05:00

water colours hate my soul. but it bitched-out on a nectarine.

2003-08-25T19:14:00.000-05:00

today, after a daring hunt throgth croud i caught doctor wynette and spilled out my i-want-to-drop-AP US story. i convinced her right good. her only skepticalness thign was that i wanted to focus on art.i explained it runs int eh family and is my destiny that i;m now embrassing. art school? she says condescendingly. no, libral arts,, so i can minor in french. art is a very cometitive field tho. i know, i;m goign into graphic design i think, adn there is a bigger market there. plus thast hwat my dad does, so he can show me the ropes. after taht she said that gov/eco is full. well its a shame honors us history is just for seniors, i said. we just ight have to put you in there, she said. she told me to meet here in that exact spot after home room. the belsl rings and i stand in taht spot. she doesn't show up. have i been stod up by Dr Wynette? she's in the office. we walk to Mansfields office. there is a line. lets just go to my office and fill out the form, she tells me. we fil out the form. i'mm get this to mansfield and you'l get your new schedule sometime. i wait all day and never get it. maybe tomarow in homeroom.
at first i was excited about finalyl getting out. it was such a load off. i just hope i dont regrette it. honors might be jsut as involved, but without the AP credit. it could mess uop my whoel scheduel in a bad way. it might not make any difference, and i woudl stil not get to do the thigns i plan on during my spare time. the worst part if feeling liek a slacker, becaugse i knwo i can do AP US and that i'm good at history, but i'd rather have a life. and hopefully ui can do more history-ing in honors and less essay shitting.

Shout out to my home gurl Elizabeth T for the freshest professional water colour set for my birthday (they spell it the english way)

elsie gave me henna paste...one step closer to turning indian.

also in breaking news, alanna drew a sketch today.

2003-08-24T19:07:00.000-05:00

my g-ma just called and talked forever as all phillips do, and towards teh end said "well i'll get off the phone so you can make some private calls whil youre home alone"
which was immediately followed by: "met any cute girls at school?"
which reminded me of a time when my Uncle tom was in the middle of a marathon of yacking when he asked, as always, "so do you ahve a girl friend?"
from tehre the one sided conversation led to " make sure yo hide the towels from your mom!" he said chummily
dead silence from me
"haha heha hahe ha he he he ho ho ho"
embarrased: "well good bye brock"

i hang up, collapse on teh ground a laugh a whoel into teh floor.

2003-08-24T16:41:00.000-05:00

i jsut got abck from driving home from Davis Kidd. i trove home from teh hopital this morning too. i also ahve a bad habit of flying thru turns and screaching. i didnt get to go to yoga today because someone was looking at teh hosue and all this stuff. but i ended up at Davis Kidd. i picked up a magazine on journaling. it had some interesting things to say about the power of journaling and stuff. but it was also talking about journaling exercises you coudl do and techinques to try to use and thsi one article about writing about yourlife as if it were a story. interesting concept...but it seemed like it would take all teh stream-of-consciousness personanalality about journaling. i duno. i descided it was a a pisashit. i picked up some art magazines too. so much modern art is very cold and pretentious and elitists and abstruse (?). normalyl i woudl have laughed at it and loved it. but i today i was fealing tired and grey. i gues thats the feelign i get when plans dont ahpepn and i end up feeling unproductive.

i;m lsitening to Pink Floyd. dad gave me pink floyd, led zepplin, adn bowie becasue we ahd a talk about old music and kids today and waht haev you.
he's doign muy better.

2003-08-23T23:57:00.000-05:00

wel, my day got usurped and i didnt get to do anythign i planned on. sigh. this shouldnt bother me as much as it is. i spent most the day in colliervill with my aunt running errands and then seeing Tomb Raider: the cradle of life or wahtever its called. the movie was good but not worth killing my day/
although, on the movie: it was lame but i'm a sucker for exotic locals and Angelena Jolie.

2003-08-23T11:39:00.000-05:00

blogging is such a release and i get so much feedback on it. what woudl i be without my blog.

oh yeah. things to do today:
get homework done.
clean room for hosue showing (bitches)
start/do firstsketch book assignment . (hooray! i might jsut get two done today, and i want to do one in white on black. do i have a white pencil?)
listen to all my new cds! (can i send a shout out carson? THANK YOU ALANNA! *punches carson daily and scampers off*)
try to work on my series idea.
visit becca
think of thigns i want to do with ym black and white camera..i shoudl ahve had that junt last night

2003-08-23T11:19:00.000-05:00

gsigh. for two weeks i've been anticipating finisheing some things on my list of art ideas. but for two weeks school adn everythign else has managed to get in teh way. and TODAy the day after my birthday was suposed to be art day. but not only did i leave my art box at school so i'l have to jsut use regular pencil and not water color, we are shownign teh hosue today and we'll be at teh hospital some. for some reason it all seemeing realyl hopeless right now and i'm suddenly PISSED OFF.

i neee dto get better and accepting when thigns dont go as i plan. thats a bad attitude to go thru life with.

Brock vs. Mansfield plan of attack to ditch Ervin"

1.) 3 AP classes
2.) kenw waht i was getting into
*priorities were different
3.) summer: focus
4.) need to build portfolio
5.) with extra curriculars (name them) and calsses, i wil ahev little free time.

this is goign to work guys.

why do people hadng out wiht peoepl they hate? i dont understand it. there must be a fad i'm not informed of.

i went to see dad at teh hospital this morning. he was doing fine, but having trouble breathing, whcih is customary for all by pass patients. he was drowsy and not talkative. i couldnt get over all teh matrix like dependency on wires and tubes. thigns were beepign and flashing. he might as well ahve been in one of those sheel-shaped pods full of orange goo. it was also wierd seeing him without his mustache. i've alwasy seem him with it. he also had some thign attached to his index finger that had a red light at teh end. my dad is so ET

but yesterday was awesome. besides the day being good---i was just in a shiny mood---the nigth was great. first i went to teh hospital and from tehre i went to alanna's. there i read my favorite book whose title is a backward question mark, by morgan sterwart. the sumamry on the back of the paper back novel reads, "fun terrific sad". kevin and laylee stopped by kevin lest amd laylee stayed. then we (mosty i) spun around in sheets. then MARGRET picked us up.. i love margret. i'm so glad i have art with her. i gave her a birthday balloon. christie and katherine where in the car. then we went to Hueys to eat and had a laugh war with teh neighboring table of teens. the war was very stelth to say the least. io might add that i love katherine warren. she so cute and mellow and cool and art. i;d liek to get to know her. "I WANT TO GET TO KNOOOOW YOUUUU": Beifus by the Scandalous Vandelest. but i digress...i LVOE amrgrets laugh its very genuine and contageous. damn she and alanna and christie laughed so much last night. from tehre margret did some all terrain adventure driving and we went to margrets house. she has some very good books. the best being on Art deco adn teh second best on pop art. i;'m a sucker for coffee table books. we watched an episode of Strangers with Candy, which is histerical...i missed it on Comedy central those few years back. then becca calle dlaylee and informed us that the Ghost of Super Storm Winds of Death 2003 had come to haunt my birthday. after a long uneventful conversation wiht mom (all she does is think on the phone!) i secured a ride with lyalee's mom. he mom was ogign to wait til teh storm blew over adn it was fun watchign teh rain in the dark with everyone.

a very exciting end to a very exciting day.

i want to hagn out with the margret crew more.

2003-08-21T20:58:00.000-05:00

Mrs erving use dmy visual with whitney hubbard's chapter sumamry adn only put Whitney's name one it. and Mrs Erving so coutned me absent today becasue i wasnt in my seat. i had moved up to see the board.

2003-08-21T20:21:00.000-05:00

while we were parking in teh Baptist East parking garage wesleys points and says "thast the kinda motorcylce i want. A crotch rocket."

The Cosmos has a very phalic sense of humor.

we visited dad. Mr. Allen and Mrs Kimm were there. from waht i know---and i'm very well kept in the dark---they are having "some problems". Mrs. kim was tanned to a mocha leapord print, her hair whispy and fried from all the chemicals and had some blonde highlights that are part of her plan to stay yongue. she constantly was sipping on Dasani. Surely a recommendation from her personal trainer taht her poor husband can hardly afford and wearing pointed toe designer shoes he probably hopes will salvage their marraige. Mr. Allen, who used to be a jolyl fella with enough jokes and dirty stories to keep his face red with laughter for hours, was thinned out ---because of the diet that was "suggested" by Kim---and after sahved. adn very quiet adn smiley. What a whipped old retreaver with better days behind his eyes.

Uncle Lance dropped by too.

towards the end of the visit, dad wanted to see me and wesley alone. he cot choked up and todl us he loved us. we gave hi hugs and it was very touching, but i couldnt help but grin liek a motehr fucker. i ahve a nervous smirk. i can't help it. and partially, teh seriousless off this all hasnt gripep dme yet. i guess i saw all teh sentimetnality as uneeded? i'm jsut sure all of this will be okay. anyway, i felt liek an ass, just a-smilen away.

outside the door uncle Lance sniffeled and hugged me and wesley too. "It'll all be okay". Uncle Lance is a big teady bear. the kinda that could give you a concusion on teh fotoball field in higih school but will hug you when your dad is about to undergo potentialyl fatal surgery the next day.

2003-08-21T17:50:00.000-05:00

well, dad's goign to ahve by pass surgery, which involves crackign open his rib cage and messing around with his heart. the doctor and nurse peopel talk abot ti rweally routinely, so ig uess i shouldn't be wprried. i'm not really worried but yeah. darlene picked wesley adn me up from school today. oh tahts one thing. out of nowhere evan showed up to teh littel circle alanan and i were in. after the circle died and alanna went home it was just me and evan. this made fro some awkward forced conversation, btu we both tried to pull it off well. it wasn;'t that bad, but for all teh ill i thought of him (due to a series of curcumstances) he was very nice . then again he had no choice. i was the only eprson to talk to. he seemed bored and wasnt with his friends, in which case i migth nto ahve like dhim.

hahaha:
BAT5721 [5:39 PM]: hows your throught
Pep88862 [5:39 PM]: OKAY HOLD THE PHONES!
Pep88862 [5:39 PM]: thats the best damn spelling of throat
Pep88862 [5:39 PM]: man that made my throught so much better.

alanna and i talked yto her friend jo after school and jo said "so tomarow's your birthday"
"how do you knw tis my birthdya?!"
"its on your blog."
She reads my blog! i LVOE ti when people read my blog. its so fullfilling. i coudl die happy. i propmtly gave her a hug.

that creepy girl didnt bother us that much.

darlene will probably spend the nigth and take us to school in teh morning

Oden sent us Fresh Market dinners. it was realyl nice of them to think of us liek that. and to give me---the master chef---a break.

Nina did the word that i did in English class. but my tone card with a picture of a cartoon train whistle so trumped her peeza-shit-i-don't-even-remember-what-it-was. shows her to take Roanoake as teh subject for her research project when i SO saw it first.

Allison and i had hand sex for the first time in a while. it was refreshing. i hope it was as good fro me as it was for her.

2003-08-20T20:55:00.000-05:00

i'm blogging to bitch, or, rahter, to just moan. there is a AP US History Oral pressentation sitting in front of me and i can't bring mysel fto care. thing is i dont think i'll care tomarow when i'm orally presenting it. clever how the cosmis convinced me i might enjoy the calss all teh way up till the day Wynette annoucnes there will be no more class transfers. <> and i can't slack off this year and in this class, cuz the eyes of colelges are already staring me down.

"i am not a yellow nut"
-mates of state,
i think thast what is says alteast.

2003-08-20T15:52:00.000-05:00

"i'd paint the sky with you
i'd let you choose the blue"

-Mates of State
(i promise i'll get this back to you tout de suit once mi parents get some blank cd's for me.)

they ran a stress test on dad and stopped it eraly. mom, who always jumps to conclusions/ prepares for the worst thinks he might ahve to haev heart surgery. that woudl be very dangerou. i hope he's okay.

After school some girl who (has done thsi befor) randomly comes up to me and feels my hair. i play alogn and feel hers. "Dude, no one ever does it back." gives me a high five. after learning me robin (who then left) and alanna's name, she asks us if we are homosexual. i didnt have any problem saying i;m bi, but waht a usless, and random way to start a conversation. it didnt lead anywhere. i don;'t liek it when peoepl cling o that as the base of their identity. after that she left. proving my point.

i used penicil on my AP US test. oh well.

Art update: i got to walk aroudn with my aryt box and prtfolio today. i hate that looking art was such a trip for me, but it was. i know that it shoudln't matter and that feeling so cool from that is putting stock in a persona and everythign. but fuck it. i dont care. i have an art box. and i've waited two years to use it.
Berlin gave us a student info form, and in the space for "artists you know" Margret and I put my dad, tarah and alanna. bwahahah. can you see alanna infront of my art class? hahah, i know, its funny.
Berlin also really praised my stil life, and even if he ays it to everyone, it still mafe me happy. i plan on maybe talking to him after school tomarow about portoflios and stuff. i just want to le thim know i;'m serious and that i want/ need some direction he apparnetly gives his students alot of freedom if they ask for it, but i just need to get confortable in the calss first. i raelyl watnt o do somethign independent and creative, but..i dunno. i heard about tarah's great idea for a series : the intimacy of the bathroom. she will ahve a girl shaving, two peopel in the shower, one girl throwing up intot eh toilet, on girl on a scale, etc. i mean, genius stuff n'est-ce pas? sigh. what will i do for a series, if oen at all. i need to think of pictures to use for th photo based project. i dont want to do joni mitchelle again. i dont really do/ think of meaning full art like tarah's i just liek doign stuff that loks cool. i dont think thast bad. it'll be good for design i guess. why wont mom let me get some damned watercolor paper. i want this weekend---my b-day weekend--to be very art productive. but it probably won't .school is pretty much already strangling my free time. ugggggggh.

melissa harkness told me i was hot and that she wanted to tap my ass.

2003-08-19T18:22:00.000-05:00

tonight i ventured into teh culinary arts. and i must say i make one mean grilled cheese. it took me nearly ahlf a stick of butter. (i made two).

the city is outside picking up our Super Storm Of Raging Death 2003 debris and Mr. Manning is standing around just a-watching liek an old man a-should.

2003-08-19T16:32:00.000-05:00

i shouldn't bitch. i ahve a great life. i don't even have to work that hard at school. peopel liek wenli ahve the right to bitch. starving people ahve the right to bitch. oppressed peoepl ahve the right to bitch. not poor suburban *whine*-all-i-have-to-do-is-my-homework little me.

2003-08-19T16:14:00.000-05:00

well, dad's in teh hospital. he passed out at work. they aren't sure what it is. but mom handled it very nonchalantly, so i;'m assuming everythign is okay. apparently wesley stayed home from school beasue teh air conditioning was out at Shady Grove and visited him. he said dad was doing just fine.

art was good today. i think i liek how my sketch is turning out, but seeing some of the work from other art 2 calsses was discouraging. i feel like i'm starting too late int eh game, having waited this long to get in a class. Berlin said "this is college level work" and it just made me feel that i'f i';m going to take this art college goal seriously i haev to get much ebtter. i know i'll improve. i'm just wprrying. he realyl values independence and i need to foster that if i'm going to take this seriously. i feel uninspired because i dont ahev an indeendent series to do for my sketch bko assignments, but oh well. i need to keep workign on the drawing basics.

my birthday is Friday. i feel liek i should do somethign this year becuase i actualyl ahve friends. but i dont know. somethign might happen. i wouldn't want my mom to drive us around. and i think i'm goign to abandon white tipped hair. apparently all teh bleaching it woudl take to make my hair white would at teh same time kill my hair. so basically the bleached part owudl just shrivel away. but i dont know what i actualyl want for my birthday. some art bok and alot of cd's and my liscense.

margret tried burning me beck. it didnt work nbut it was the thought that counts. she seems realyl bored in art. hopefully its the early hour and not me.

alanna wasnt at school today

i think once i get back into the school groove my general malaise (bwhahahah) will leave me. hopefulyl i'm still just in shock. a killer birthday woudl just make everythign much better.

2003-08-18T15:52:00.000-05:00

i was up all night doign nothing (cue: Much Finer) so i was really beat at school. i felt sickly at the begining of the day. i felt distant, liek teh world was passing by. i let some thigsn bother me that shouldnt have and i'm of course such an insanely jelous person. i guess the onyl redeeming part of the day was art and the few times i talked to people. i dunno. whine whine whine.

2003-08-17T20:59:00.000-05:00

i have Becca's beuatiful Hair on my computerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

2003-08-16T13:38:00.000-05:00

i just drove to laylee's housie! i had to get some french verb charts. i wished her happy birthday and she looked beutiful. she was in her "pj's" which was actualyl this silky flowy skirt in some red pattern. she is chronically in a skirt i swear. i;ve never heard of sleeping in a skirt. thats pure laylee. shes sso beautiful adn laylee. we talked and she said she had no idea what was happening for her birthday. apparently it is becca's job to plan out her day so it will be a suprise or anything. while i was walking up her drive way her aunt pops out of the hosue next door and says "you are here to visit laylee?"
"yes" i loke dconfused
"you are goign the irwght way"
"okay, thanks"
"i;'m her aunt i just check up on her"
"haha, okay. bye"
i walk away
she says her aunt is all up in her bidnis.

anyway, i got my art supplies today!
we walk up to the coutner:
"lawd i hope this is for college" says a very hefty black lady
"nope"
"highschopol?"
"yes, heh"
"wuh grade?"
"eleventh"
"art?"
"yes"
"make sure my daughter dont take that clclass"

she rings up the items"
"drumb role please!"
then she announces the price hefty enought to match her hefty wieght.

i loved that woman.

2003-08-15T23:48:00.000-05:00

wow. the only way to describe tonight is wow. elisejust dropped me off. We drove Lauren home first, and i swear, i lveo lauren. she is just an amazing person. i think she will ALWAYS ahev a godo time. no matter where she is or who she's with. she ;eaned back the seat and put her feet thru the sun roof. we'va all done feet out the window. but the sun roof? pure lauren genius. and OF COURSE becca's gig was tonight. (i lvoe saying the word gig). months of anticipation. the whole time i kept thinking "i can't beleive i know this unfathomably beautiful and talented person". margret and i spent a long conversation on teh subject of the unexpresionabilitititity."i will have to write a STRONGLY worded letter" quoth margo. becca was so damn cute and cahrming and radiating singer-songwriter. i lvoe al of her music and i knwo she is going places. there is now way to stop her talent. it will only get bigger and better. i can't wait to be able to tell my kids "Do you hear this CD? do you hear this voice on tewh radio? i knew (hopefully "know") her !teh improvs wrere all very nice and fluttery and musical. i realized taht one reason why i raelly liek Firefly is the dynamics. some of her songs tended to stay the same dinamic. but ti think that was just croud-gitters. there was standing room only! Java was packed. every person who i could speak of with the slightest knowledge of their life and personality was in taht room. Becca, youa re the worlds magnet. i dont know what thast suppose to bean. but its pretty damn poetic in my mind. i promise. i got some very nice hugs from laylee. she says she likes my faucets (my chronically clammy hands). andlawd do i love her hippies. NOONE has hips like laylee. i think i;m addicted. i know, i'll imprison kevin and wisk her away to my castle on my white staed. except i dotn ahve a castle. moving on, i saw alot of people. it was a party. ketnon stopped by. it was really cool. we had a fairly eventful conversation. he was only there for a second. apparently he was looking for the basement thing and my blog came up? he called elsie? but he said he read my blog. which was happy. behold the power of blog. mayeb he got alanna's e-mail off her comments? i dont know. but it was nice. he intorduced me to his friend. apparently i hug inadequatly. i do the pat thing which is lame or not genuine. i dont know.
Morgan Fox opened for becca,. i wonder if she asked or if he volunteered or if it was a spontaneous "oh of course you shoudl open for me!" and it actualyl happened, but I have to say I don’t like hisstuff. I;’m not a fan of his poetry, but his piano plyaing was nice. He ,yes, does have a unique writing style, but it seems a little…too flowery and I do NOT like his delivery. It was nice to learn that I’m not alone amongst my cohorts
earlier today i went home with alanna. we visited morgan in teh hospital,; she ahd gotten her appendix taken out. they had been sterilizing it so long since her attack or whatever while. that was...when i was at Rhodes i think. wow. poor thing. but they were watchign this hysterical 1950's precursor to arty indie films. called Lovers and Lolipops. it had al these crazy camra angles from the sky. then we drove to beccas to get Jerry (the camera). oh i got to talk to chritine tonight! i dotn knwo how she feels about me. but i think she is a beautiful sweet little fashiopn-desighner asian girl. she's realyl sweet. i;d liek to get to know her better.
but anyway, once we got home, ---in response to teh Spice Girls retrospective moment at lunch---we blew the dust off the Spice World CD adn danced aroudn to taht. it was the worst, lammes, sadest, sight ever. but so much fun. teh spice girlms are hysterical. "Hasta Manana. Viva Forever blah blah. its jsut awful. "shake it to teh left if you're having a godo time. Shake it to the right if you knwo that you feel fine. sahke it to the front HA HA go rooouuuunnnnd. I see ya, hold tight *insert karate kick*. Alanna and i have descided to bring abck bad hearly 90's pop starting with teh spice girls, going to dona lewis to *bewitched. i dont knwo where the asterix goes. Then to Natalie Imbruiglia. Then toLos Del Rio. To Delight (groove is in the haert!) and EVERYTHIGN BAD. Jock Jams and teh whoel lot.

I kant help but think how different my life is from Freshamn year and ESPECIALYL Middle school. i can't beleive how fortunate i am andthat i hoep it never ends, or only gets better.

2003-08-14T20:44:00.000-05:00

i just spent a beutiful day at alanna's. Becca recorded her song Hair. it begins with alanna and morgan fighting, alanna saiys "I WILL NOT TAKE YOUR BODY TO UTAH AND SET IT ON FIRE" or somethign or other. the becca gigles andis beutiful in her becca way. i got to sing a tiny back up part. iw ish i had sung louder but the distance is a nice effect i guess. then we went out to start filming for the video. its in this jerky effect and we toss around and hit each other with/ have a fight with a big stuffed Cow. its great. tehn we ventured into teh laudramat and got some shots. but that was only AFTER we got some funny oseudo-art shots of a toilet taht was for some raeson by the bus stop. becca got this random guy that walked by and some woman from her car to dance wiht us. the woman, who had high hair and a gold tooth booty danced, exposing her purple-blue thong. thent eh guy and the gal hooked up. i hope we were just agents of the cosmos just then. i love this video. i also talke to christine some more today, which was nice but we dont realyl have anythign to talk about. we also started a still life in art and i dont think i like how mine is turning out, but it WILL get better because it HAS to. and in breaking news US History was fun and i've lost my dropping-it-like-a-new-born-baby nerve. i think i'm going to stay.

2003-08-12T16:46:00.000-05:00

flatter whore flatter whore
dead in a ditch
flatter whore flatter whore
always had to have a bitch

--------------an origianl song by me

2003-08-12T16:40:00.000-05:00

supposedly comments will be back expressely

2003-08-12T16:35:00.000-05:00

well, i hate school. today in french was horrendous. i mean, treches, flying bullets, bombs exploding, mangled red blodies. but i;'m very excited baout art. i realyl watnt o focus. and hopefully i can drop AP US. it sjust goign to be too much work i wont be able to care about. i'd rather have fun in honors senior year. plus, it would be a big laod off. even if gov is jst as hard, economics will be a shit class. i aske dmyom about skippign it when she wasin a hetic mood, and i dont think she understood teh gravity and coolness of teh situation so she was just like "oh, okay" tbu i can tell she wasnt paying attention "you'll have to talk wiht your dad". but i should

HAHAH...
"brock! unplug your computer from the internet! there is a virus!"
"mom i cant get a virus from just BEING online"
"oh"

anyway..i shodul stop complaining. i really need to get better abotu that. some ppeople dont jsut sit and wallow in their thoughts. anywho...
i saw becca's friend christie today after school. i dont realyl knwo if she cared to talk to me but i think she's realyl cool...i mean...purple hair, fashion camp. psha. alsi i brought the bopllywood cd for becca but forgot. and all that is evil IS in my lunch, but i lukily didnt ahve to see it.

also, ingeneral..must harness jelousy, must harness envy, must harness jelosuy, must ahrnest envy

2003-08-11T23:31:00.000-05:00

that which represents all that is evil has done somethign cool adn admirable. and i hate it. i fucking hate it. I HOPE YOU AREIN MY LUNCH SO TAHT I CAN THROW SHIT AT YOU. I HOP I STAIN TAHT ADMIRABLILIY!...except not because i dont want to see you during the day at all. so, socmos, dont get any ideas.

okay. so my tryign to not be jelous starts.........now.

2003-08-11T21:39:00.000-05:00

(i'm SO listening to the AOL Radio Bollywood station)

Goals for this year. They might be lofty. But thats the point. :

Read more books, and hopefully find one formyself free of recommendation.

Read/see more artists. Go to galleries, south main etc. rent and buy books.

Buy and become familiar with more musicians and bands. And find one band all by my big boy self.

Do more art and creative crafty things in my free time. Something on my own each week as previously stated. Work on portfolio and preparing for art college (see art goal list)

Not get too caught up in school and keep it in perspective while not becoming stupidly apathetic/ a slacker.

Meet more people. Make new friends. Get closer to acquaintances. Make one close friend independently of my other friends.

Be more positive

Stop being so intensely jelous

Stop whining so much. It doesn’t help with the positivness if I pity myself.

(it gets teen-coming-of-age here. Brace yourself.) Get a more firm hold on my Self, not just be purely influnced by my friends. (including imitating tendencies, patterns of thoughts---basically think for myself). This probably means so well spent alone time.

Think and speak more honestly and more uninhibited, which might mean learning to put things nicely. Related goal: learn more social ease.

Stop getting online so much and get off my ass and go out or make something or think of something. I realize I;m nto a computer person so I cant pretend spending hours online is bettering me in any way.

Most of all. Start doing the thigns I talk and plan about.

2003-08-11T16:15:00.000-05:00

mom is BICHING at me to get out the door right now to buy shit but i have to blog. first after school becca nd klaylee and elise ran to hug me. it was so goreous-happy. i dotn care if that is gay or cheesy. but we went to sonic (alanan elsie and becca and me) ere me saw Linly ands salis. i loved seeing becca. i can't wait to see her everyday at lunch. she breathed some life into teh Self triangle which was refreshing. we also got to go to ehr house. we got to hear her demo-ish cd and her wonderful song Hair which proptly got drafted for a music video. it was very oozing creativity experience. i definaly got to feel al the creative vibes from her room. and the emersion in music. and it sound like her mom is very suportive of her creativity: "just dont go to college". also, once we took alanan home teh tired old "what i care about/ what i plan to do with life" discussion came up. and it was very refreshing getting to hear her view. i guess i;ve had the conversation wiht too many of the same people. i;m also madly jelous of the becca-robin-meg-circus art calss. but i haev margrert and all will be well. lso katherine is uin two of my classes. remind me to detail on school and my schedule later and the dream i ahd a few nigths back. aslo, coach owens is not what i thougth he was and i;m gravely disapointed.

2003-08-10T19:08:00.000-05:00

"God loves your bowels"
- La Haine

2003-08-10T00:44:00.000-05:00

me and alanna's joitn results to Robin adn Acacia's "What kind of Bean are you?" quiz brought to you by Quizilla:

.......................pinto. you are a bean, not a nut. what were you thinking taking this quiz, you gassy bastard.

our results to "What si your Stench":

.......................Your aroma is MAN DEODORANT. You wear tshirts with the sleeves cut off, exposing un-shaven armpits (and probably clumps of your MAN DEODORANT). But that's okay, atleast you don't stink of BILE. The smell most similar to yours is HAMSTER, also a reasurring and refreshing scent.

2003-08-09T23:27:00.000-05:00

tonight was a riealyl wierd night. it was just me. i felt wierd ofr so reason. i felt wierd teh second i stepped out the door. i went out with elsei adn robin and alanna and beca. i guess i wasnt in teh mood for alot of things. and i hate that i dont treat my blog like a frank journal amnymore. i;m being so vague. anyway, i guess it was just a sudden bout of wodnering abuto myself, my likability (even tho thast not supsed to matter) and future and all those otehr typical teen things. why must angst be so endemic! thast probably not the right word. anyway, the nigth had some high points (moshing in the back seat. beca's hair and ness, seeing robin, seeing elise) but i dont know. i just felt wierd. hate that my last night of the sumemr was wierd. oh well. angst.

oh yes, next year i'm taking AP Lilibity Tot next year, nto AP FRench. oh yes, and i am currently fucking George Bush it appears.

Laylee's Grapes of Wrath ( GORe) book had blood all ove rit. which i find quite fitting for someone who hates it.

2003-08-09T13:22:00.000-05:00

alanna, you are not onine (whats uop with that) and i wanted to add somethign to The Making of The Making of THe Making of. be klike "well, we had this idea for a sit com with cahrecters.. *looks pensive* that you could REALLY identify with, liek you felt one of the gang. " (liek thsoe peopel who talk abotu teh gretness of Friends) then we cut to a shot of liek a group of peopel talking ALL hold ing coffe cups like lounging all over all these pillows in some Central Perk type deal, the conversation is going, "blah blah blah blah *insert witty reparté *blah blah" the on of the speakers turns towards the camera, and wiht creepy hug beedy eyes says "WAHT ABOUT YOU!??!". end scene...jumpo to nbext segment.

2003-08-09T12:30:00.000-05:00

wesley now has a BB-pellet-dart gun. that puts his gun tally at two. i can hear the blackmarket arms traffikers knocking at our door already. my brother. the Don.

2003-08-09T11:18:00.000-05:00

Micheals (aka Craft Universe) is my new favorite place. i got fabric pins for my back pack. and, becca, i will figure out how to do your t-shirts expressly.

2003-08-09T09:17:00.000-05:00

On the lack of american tourists:
"We simply don't liek each other anymore," says Jaques Milbert, a mustachioed Parisian taxi driver. "If the Americans want to stay at home and eat burgers, that's their problem, not ours."
-The COmmercial Appeal

HAHAH> God i love the french. they are so bitter and brooding and brash and all thos other beutiful b-words.

I wen tto CK's this mornign fo bre'fus. what a great surviving piece of americana. *cheers theme plays in back ground*.

addition to yesterday's (angst) acappella punk song:

"I'M A PRETENTION-FUCK

SO FUCK YOU

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WISH I WAS FRAWNCH

FUCK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHWHAWHAHW (french noice)

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thank you thank you. i'll be here all night. and remember to tip your waitress.

2003-08-08T23:05:00.000-05:00

wenli came over and watched La Haine tonight. teh movie wasnt as crepy as i expected. it was actaulyl hysterical at some points. it didnt take itself too seriously, that is to say. it was in black and white and had some cool shots. as alanan woudl say "it's my favorite movie". i hope i didnt bore wenli with The Dead Milk Men or Stereo Ttal, but i get excited adn can't help myself. when we were discussing the movie tho she used the title (Hate) in a sentence and i just kidna had a smirk on my face becasue i thought it was funny. i always think tis funyn when title are used for some reason. its a very subconscious, thikning thing. titles are just on your mind. using them to explain is very clever. i lvoe doign it.but i think she thought the smirk was "you suck taht was lame". so she said "this is why i';m not good at analyzing" and i felt bad.

2003-08-08T19:36:00.000-05:00

did i ever mention that Stereo Total is teh world's best Franco-german band? thsi coming from a guy who knows his franco-german bands. Stereo Total on threesomes: "c'est communiste".

2003-08-08T16:04:00.000-05:00

mom was just a bitch about saturday school "if you are going to be doign anythign on saturdays it will be preparing for teh exam" can you beleive her? mayeb dad will understand. and no she wans't a bitch, but it is my teen right to deem her so.

robin died her hair very light. its this ashy (not, NOT Rose) blonde colour. it loks great. she was talking about how she wanted to go white and i thgouth "white i much more me than blue". so now my mind has changed. i want white tips. its an idea i had playe dwiht, but hadnt realyl considered it. hearing someontalk abotu it amde it ...i dont know its liek i thought of it again and it was better this time.

a wise chinese scholar once said, "i always thought blogs were narcissistic." well, sorry to anyone who actualyl reads this. but i'm using this as more of a journal. so thisis a disclaimer: my blog is narcissistic.

i sew the strap back onto my backpack. so i wont look so much liek bilyl bottom this year. except my hair my doom me! i will never forgive everyone telign me i looked liek him wiht ym new hair. but the parody we did of him at java (thank you becca for making me do that) just made it all so sweet. i sewed it up with this uber-industrial needle and "super strong machine and hand sewing thred" quoth the sppol of thread i used. its a copper colour.

i loev how all alanna's grudges originate from kindergarden. partialyl ebcause she's the only person who can remember that far back.
aLittleStarlight [3:58 PM]: kindergarten was my life in a year.
aLittleStarlight [3:58 PM]: everything just compressed into one little thing
HAHAHAHA god i levo this girl.
aLittleStarlight [3:59 PM]: i could have just died right after, and i would've understood life.

wenli is coming over to watch La Haine tonight. i hope its not that creepy and she doesnt get pissed at me stopping the junt so much to write down vocabulary.

now i leave you with an (angst) acapella punk song:

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOONE ASKED WHAT YOU THOUGHT

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GO TO...
...shit, hell doesnt rhyme with thgouth. waht does
"debutaunt?"

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOONE SHOUDL CARE ABOUT MY HAIR

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOR SHOUDL THEY CAR BOTU WHAT I WEAR

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WITH A SHOE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IVE BEEN SLEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i bid thee adieu